<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>Who Needs Lady Luck When I Have Sir Love by eliinthesky</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26150827">Who Needs Lady Luck When I Have Sir Love</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/eliinthesky/pseuds/eliinthesky'>eliinthesky</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Gintama</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>A Bitch (Gintoki) Be Pining, All I wanted was to write about Toshi getting fucked and it turned into this, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Bantering, Bottom Toshi bc its canon baby, I mean I think, I think?, I'll update more as we go, Lol but seriously that boy couldnt top a sundae and yall know it lmaooo, Loss of Virginity, M/M, Maybe - Freeform, Oral Sex, Rimming, Top Gintoki bc its canon baby, i mean a little, lots of bickering/bantering, my stupid brain wouldn't write the porn without the plot, some casual family feels with the Yorozuya+Toshi, tbh this went a lot differently in my head when I was first fantasizing about it, they were gonna fuck in the shrine, uh what else, writing is hard y'all</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-31</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 12:00:18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>33,293</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26150827</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/eliinthesky/pseuds/eliinthesky</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Hijikata has a lot of great qualities that often lead to him being chosen for things. To turn to him and expect nothing less than the best is normal. He's hard working, intelligent, determined, and fueled by an undying rage that often gets him first class results. Workaholic that he is, he'll go above and beyond for his investigations, often putting his body on the line. For the Shinsengumi's newest case, he's asked to use his body in a way he's never expected. </p><p>The Yorozuya is far too eager to help him out.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Hijikata Toshirou/Sakata Gintoki</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>76</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>280</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Hey y'all! This is the first ever fic I've written so be gentle, haha. I wrote this on my phone's notes app at first so the word count really got away from me. But I happen to like longer chapters anyway, so. This really started because I just wanted to write smut but my dumb human brain wouldn't let my dumb monkey brain write the smut without some kind of buildup, so here we are. This was originally supposed to be 3 chapters, i.e. the beginning, the sex, and the end, but when I realized that the first part of the beginning, (this chapter), was already around 8000 words....I figured it'd be better to split that chapter into 2. So hopefully this will only be 4 chapters. I hope you like it!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>They're standing in front of a shrine, high on a hill, surrounded by greenery. The shrine itself is not intimidating by any means, on the smaller side and fading with age, but it still poses an image of serenity and elegance. Hanging from the tiled roof are dozens upon dozens of notes attached with string, chain, or flowers plucked from the surrounding area. Hijikata eyes the drooping stems and withered petals and the cynic in him thinks what a fitting metaphor for young love. The notes sway softly in the wind, and the romantic in him wonders if their messages, carried along the current, ever reached their destinations. </p><p>The shrine before him stands as a sacred dwelling for those seeking a pure love, as refreshing as a cool breeze on a hot summer day, as untouched as the first flurry of snowfall. People young and old make their way up the stone path to the apex of the hill, carrying nothing but the weight of their tentative hope, praying for an endless beginning. The shrine is cared for by a few locals, the wiser ones offering their own guidance. Which is exactly what one elder gentleman is currently offering to Kondo-san. </p><p>"Now, tell me again Gori-san-" </p><p>"-Kondo-san-" </p><p>"This girl you like, a missus gorilla, from what you've been telling me, it seems like she's of the tough love variety." </p><p>"Yes, exactly! My Otae-san is both as delicate as a bouquet of irises, and as strong as a mountain boar. Her love for me is just the same! She's a little shy in showing her affections, but I know every time she throws me out of her cabaret club, she does so because she cares about me! About us! She won't stop pushing until I become the kind of man who can provide for all her needs-" </p><p>
  <em>She's using you for your money, Kondo-san.</em>
</p><p>"-and you know, it's soooo sweet, sometimes she cries when I'm not around-" </p><p>
  <em>She's crying from happiness, Kondo-san. </em>
</p><p>"-and I know our time apart is just as awful for her as it is for me! Oh, it’s practically a curse, this animalistic attraction between us-" </p><p>"MY SISTER WOULD SOONER BE ATTRACTED TO FLY LARVAE THAN YOU, GORILLA KING-" </p><p>
  <em>She's got a horribly over protective brother, Kondo-san. </em>
</p><p>Hijikata only watches as the younger Shimura argues heatedly with his commander. Instead of arguing back, Kondo treats Shinpachi like a naive, confused brother-in-law, which only serves to make the teenager angrier. His arms flail about as Kondo unintentionally patronizes him. Akihiko-san, the older gentleman, stares at them with a puzzling smile on his wrinkled face. </p><p>"Oof. Can you believe all that is for the gorilla queen?" </p><p>Hijikata turns his flat gaze to a perpetual source of annoyance. Gintoki meets his usual glare with a look of nonchalance in those dead fish eyes, arms crossed behind his head. His hair is the same mop of silver and curls it always is. His tall, wide frame is slightly hunched, too lazy to even stand up properly. He sticks a pinky in his nose, scoffing, "Shouldn't he know first hand her only 'attraction' to him revolves around what she can squeeze out of his wallet?" </p><p>"Isn't that <em>your</em> attraction to everyone?" Hijikata replies with a withering lilt to his tone.</p><p>"Oh?" Gintoki looks at him with an amused glint in dark eyes. "Is someone still upset he paid for Gin-san's dango yesterday? You shouldn't have volunteered if you couldn't afford it, you know." He says with an air of superiority. </p><p>"I didn't volunteer, you ass! You told the owner to put your order on my tab before I even got there! Who the fuck eats 4000 yen worth of dango?!" </p><p>"Oi! Gin-san's got a lot of mouths to feed! Nothing <em>you</em> would know of," he sneers. "Gin-san is a family man first! Do you know kids have to eat every day? Three times a day? Plus snacks?! Not to mention the dog, too! It's a tough world for a single dad." He complains to Hijikata. </p><p>"Get a job!" Hijikata screeches. He holds no sympathy for the man. "Quit telling people I'll pay things for you!" </p><p>"But you do pay things for me?" Gintoki points out.</p><p>"B-because you force me to!" The fucking nerve of this idiot! "You've already run off, asshole!" </p><p>"It's not like you can't afford it, tax thief! Give Gin-san a break! He works hard you know?! It's not my fault my line of work lies more in the realms of luck and hand cranking dexterity!" </p><p>What? Hand cranking? "Are you talking about <em>pachinko</em>, you bastard?!" </p><p>"It's a real job! It is!" The Yorozuya insists. "Why do you look like a judgemental mother-in-law?! Stop looking at me like that!" </p><p>Hijikata scoffs. "I ain't no mother but I definitely wouldn't let my kids marry a bum like you." </p><p>"Oi! Gin-san's the catch of the decade, prettyboy! Your kids would be lucky to get the likes of me!" </p><p>"Not lucky in love, wealth, or prosperity..." Hijikata mutters. </p><p>"What was that?" Gintoki asks sharply. </p><p>Hijikata only replies with a frown. </p><p>The Yorozuya sighs. "You know, Hijikata-kun. Rather than looking at this as me taking advantage of your hefty wallet, why not look at it like Gin-san has complete and utter faith in your financial future-" </p><p>"NO." Hijikata interrupts. "You're a crook, bastard. Gimme back my money, or pachinko is the only place you'll see <em>balls</em> for a long time." He threatens with a wicked glare. </p><p>He expects to see more blustering from the curly haired samurai, more posturing, instead all he sees is a small, amused grin and a fond look in rusty eyes. Suddenly he lifts a hand and strokes his chin, nodding to Hijikata, "You're right, you're right. This is Gin-san's bad, okay? You deserve some restitution, yes? Something of equal importance to many, many plates of dango and strawberry parfaits." </p><p>
  <em>Restitution? The fuck? The perm knows a word like that? Can he even spell that word?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Okay, focus on the bigger picture, Toshirou. </em>
</p><p>Right. Wait, what? Is-is Gintoki actually going to pay him back? Hijikata can't believe it.</p><p>"Let's see," he continues. "How about in exchange for wiping the slate clean for me, I make you the best meal within Gin-san's budget?" </p><p>...</p><p>"I DON'T WANT YOUR FIFTY CENT RAMEN YOU CHEAP BASTARD!" Hijikata grabs Gintoki by the collar and yanks him back and forth. "You unbelievable piece of shit! There's no way in hell that adds up to all the food I've had to pay for all these years!" </p><p>Gintoki's hands fly up to squeeze his own, and he looks at Hijikata, slightly dizzy. "C-calm down, bastard! You didn't let me finish! It's a meal made by yours truly- with mayonnaise!"</p><p>Hijikata stops shaking him in shock. Mayo? Oh. He lets go of the man's collar and turns away. "W-well," he clears his throat and tries to look uninterested. "Just, uh, how many of these meals are we talkin'?" </p><p>Gintoki looks at him with a pitying smirk. "Man, you're easy."  </p><p>"<em>Shut up-!</em>" Stupid sadist! He's about to unsheathe his sword when Akihiko interrupts them.</p><p>"Oi! Samurai-san! Please, stop your fighting." The old man looks around at them, begging. "I don't have all day!" </p><p>Shinpachi looks to the ground, ashamed, before offering an apology, followed by Kondo's. Hijikata opens his mouth to add to the shame train when the Yorozuya cuts him off, annoyed. "Dammit, old man. Can't you see Gin-san is in the middle of a conversation here?" </p><p>"Gin-san!" Shinpachi admonishes. </p><p>"Hijikata-kun and I are in the middle of making plans-"  </p><p>"We're not making anything!" Hijikata corrects. He glares at Gintoki, hoping he's conveying 'don't pull me into this' adequately enough. </p><p>He expects to see a glare equal to his own, but the look meeting his eyes is almost...disappointed. Shadowed with emotion, for a split second, before the man turns away without another word. What was that about? Is he really banking on making up his debt through one cheap home cooked meal? </p><p>Hijikata shakes off the feeling of slight unease. He looks back to Akihiko, and nods his head. "Apologies." </p><p>Gintoki also nods his apologies to the man. Kondo asks Akihiko about the shrine's history and gods, and although he knows he should be listening, he can't help but take another glance at the curly haired moron beside him. </p><p>He's not surprised that although their paths didn't start together, they inevitably became intertwined. Of course, he thinks, with such a ridiculous task set on the Shinsengumi, the Yorozuya would never be too far behind. </p><p>The reason the Shinsengumi are at the shrine is due to a request from one of the higher up government officials. This official maintains great faith in the religious aspects of Edo life, despite living in a world where your neighbors are real aliens and no longer fictitious ramblings of the local village kook. Of course, in the same vein, if aliens are real then surely religious ideologies or mythical stories could also hold a grain of truth to them. </p><p>Not that it matters to Hijikata, he couldn't care less if a horned figure or a celestial glow is there to greet him at the end of his life. All that really matters is that he gets to go <em>alone</em>, he thinks. </p><p>Finally away from the gravitational field of dumbassery. That's what he calls it. The city. It's people. The strange pull that's somehow landed all of Japan's strongest weirdos and freaks in one place. That results in a city full of sob stories and provocation. That forces one to play along with the insanity attached to each and every citizen until it becomes the norm. He imagines it's center point is fastened to a certain silver haired man, and ignores just how tightly tethered he is to said man. That's not his choice, dammit. It's the fucking field! They could run in opposite directions, never looking back, never wanting to, and the force would snap them back together anyways, like magnets. Like always. </p><p>Hijikata sighs, tuning back into the conversation. He's exhausted by the prospect of having to investigate a case of mismatched affections brought down on the government official through, apparently, meddling love gods. He's in love with Y, X is in love with Z, and Z is in love with him, while Y is in love with the dog. </p><p>Yeah. </p><p>This is how he spends his time now. Playing couple's therapist with a damn dog. </p><p>The government official is positive this mess can be undone with the help of a lesser deity. Hijikata doesn't know what the desperate man is expecting. There's no such thing as a 24 hour hotline for minor godly fuck ups. </p><p>If there was, Hijikata would have it on speed dial. </p><p>There isn't anything inherently suspicious about that freaky love quintet, except the dog thing. That's just wrong. Even in this town. </p><p>Speaking of the dog, apparently that's the Yorozuya's client. The dog. THE DOG. </p><p>HOW-</p><p> </p><p>Anyways. That's why they're all here at the shrine together. </p><p>"Look," he interrupts, "Akihiko-san, listen. Is there any way to," he pauses, "contact... them?" </p><p>"Them?" </p><p>"Yeah. Y'know." He looks up at the blue sky and his hand does a little thing, a little wave, a little semi-pathetic gesture to indicate otherness. "Them." </p><p>"Ohh," the old man strokes his gray beard and nods his head. "The big Them." </p><p>Hijikata nods and sucks on the cancer stick in his mouth, then realizes it's not even lit. He does that sometimes. Just goes through the motions of smoking without the smoke. It's really not conscious, part of him thinks he just needs his mouth to be occupied at all times. He's got an oral fixation, not that he'll ever admit it. Of course, once realizing there's an unlit cigarette in his mouth, he has to use it, otherwise that- that would be dumb. Knowingly walking around with an unlit cigarette in his mouth, his need for efficiency would never let him get away with wasting something so precious. So he lights the stick up. He doesn't really relax, he hasn't fully relaxed since before he met Sougo, the little cretin, but the tension in his bones eases slightly. </p><p>"Yeah, old man. We've just got a few questions for the little guys upstairs, yes?" Kagura chirps. She comes to stand next to him, back straight, a prideful glint in her blue eyes. Her umbrella is nowhere to be seen and before he knows it, he takes the uniform jacket folded over his arm and holds it above her head as a makeshift covering from the sun. He can't really see her anymore because he's standing behind her now, but he hears a quick, "Thanks Toshi!" and his lips twitch into a smile for a split second. </p><p>"Who're you callin Toshi, ah?" He asks, but there's no bite to it. </p><p>"Oi, oi, tax robber. You gonna croak soon? These are just the little big guys, you know? They're not the ones to impress if you want to get behind those pearly white gates. And with your long line of sins, you're going to have to do better than helping out a little girl." The Yorozuya states in his typical unruffled manner. </p><p>Ah. Looks like that hint of <em>something</em> was Hijikata's imagination. The man is just as annoying as ever. Gintoki's deep, composed voice always manages to get under his skin. </p><p>He bites at his cigarette and sends the man a vicious glare, and it blinds him a little, because the sun seems to be reflecting off his hair now and directly into Hijikata's eyes. But he doesn't blink, lest he lose the intensity. </p><p>His eyes water dangerously. </p><p>Now he blinks. </p><p>Dammit. </p><p>He can feel the water droplets cling to his lashes. He looks away and growls, "Look who's talking, dumbass. You're the one who uses child labor to sustain your business." </p><p>"Oi!" The perm screeches. "Don't say it like that! That makes it sound way worse than it is! That makes Gin-san sound way worse than he is!" </p><p>"Where's the lie, Yorozuya? Where's the lie?" Hijikata asks mockingly.</p><p>"Yeah, Gin-chan." Kagura growls. "Where <em>is</em> the lie? You don't even pay us!" </p><p>Gintoki flusters. </p><p>"Excellent point Kagura-chan. Hijikata-san?" Shinpachi asks, voice maturing in a second. </p><p>"Hmm?" </p><p>Shinpachi adjusts his glasses, only the glare from the sunlight visible. He seems to be communicating with Kagura somehow, nodding at her. "We would like to issue a formal complaint against our boss under the Federal Labor Commission guidelines-" </p><p>"OIIIIIIII! Shinpachiii! Kaguraaa! What are you saying, huh?! What are you saying in front of the freaking special police?! He can get this shit expedited, you know?! Like Gin-san needs one more thing on his record!" </p><p>"Gin-san, calm down. It is perfectly within our rights to complain about your substandard methods of paying your employees. And by substandard, I mean I CAN'T EVEN REMEMBER THE LAST TIME I WAS PAID!" Shinpachi roars and then gasps suddenly. "Kagura-chan, Kagura-chan, have...have we ever been paid?" </p><p>Kagura pauses from glaring at their con of a boss, (as all fathers who employ their children typically are), to staring at Shinpachi worriedly. "I don't know Shin-chan! Every time we ask about our money Gin-chan distracts us by offering to get us sukonbu or Otsuu-chan merch, yes?" </p><p>A pause. "Speaking of which," Gintoki cuts in, in a loaded fashion. The implication has Hijikata complaining exasperatedly, "Yorozuya!", but the man continues smoothly, "Gin-san did hear about a new Otsuu-chan popup store opening next week. How about we make a day out of it, huh? We can take Sadaharu out with us. Kagura, we can go to that park by Gengai's shop, huh? I hear there's a new ice cream vendor over there, maybe they'll have a seaweed flavor, hmm?" </p><p>
  <em>Oi. Seriously? There's no way the kids will fall for that right after they just said you use it as a distraction technique. </em>
</p><p>Shinpachi and Kagura look at each other, frowning. They silently communicate and then they nod at each other. "Gin-san," the glasses wearer starts, serious voice on, "that sounds like an acceptable arrangement. I just have a couple requests-”</p><p>“Gin-chan!!" Kagura interrupts carelessly. "I want to go by the kimono shop, too! And there’s a new boba place that serves black sugar pearls! I don’t know what that is but I want it! And-” </p><p>“K-Kagura-chan! You were supposed to wait for me to ask first!”</p><p>"Eh? Why would I do that?" The Yato asks, bored, leaning her weight onto Hijikata. </p><p>"Because that's what we agreed on! With our silent conversation that happened literally two seconds ago?! You nodded at me!" Shinpachi reminded her. </p><p>"Ohhh. No, I was just looking at myself in your glasses, you should always admire a beautiful lady, yes?" She preens.</p><p>"What beautiful lady?! All I see is an idiot! An idiot!"

</p><p>“You're the idiot! If I waited for you, you’ll buy out the whole Otsuu-chan store, stupid fanboy! And Gin-chan hardly has any money at all, yes? So if you ask first then our useless papa won’t have any money left to buy my things, yes? So its first come, first served Pachi!” Kagura laughs boisterously before excitedly chattering away.</p><p>Shinpachi, looking betrayed and then determined, grabs a hold of Gintoki’s arm to get his attention. Never one to be out done if he can help it, he interrupts Kagura with his own demands, yelling hurriedly <em>“Gin-san, I want the new Otsuu-chan limited edition 'Your Mom's A XXXX And She Does XXXXX On A XXXXXXX So Go Suck A XXXX' CD plus the Otsuu-chan glow-"</em>

</p><p>"GIN-CHAN I WANT TO TRY ALL THE ICE CREAM FLAVORS WHEN WE GET TO THE PARK AND I WANT A NEW PHONE STRAP AND MORE STICKERS AND SOYO-CHAN HAS A COOL HAIR THINGY AND I WANT A COOL HAIR THINGY TOO SO WE CAN MATCH AND-" </p><p>"Oi! Oi! Gin-san said we could check it out! He's not made of money!!" </p><p>As the three of them scream demands, well the kids scream their demands and Gintoki desperately tries to convince them they're only going to look, Hijikata can only think, </p><p>
  <em>....children are unbelievable. And expensive.</em>
</p><p>Gintoki looks at him, panic in his eyes, his face screams <em>Help! </em>

</p><p>Hijikata sends him a Look. <em>Suffer. </em>

</p><p>Gintoki glares at him. <em>Cruel, Mayora. Cruel.</em>

</p><p>Hijikata smirks. <em>Not my fault you laid it on too thick. </em>

</p><p>Gintoki frowns. <em>Shut up. </em>

</p><p>Hijikata chuckles. Well, he supposes he can do something. They are being pretty loud. "Oi, brats. Settle down. Good behavior receives good rewards, right?" </p><p>Even as they quiet down, Hijikata can already see the kids' eyes twinkling with excitement, lack of pay forgotten. Such is the whimsical nature of youth. Or at least, for these youths. It's something he finds he's pleased about. Kids should act like kids. The fact that they feel safe and loved enough to indulge in life without feeling like burdens really says a lot about the Yorozuya. Hijikata is sure that even if they leave the store with nothing at all, it will still be a happy day spent with their guardian, and that's what counts.</p><p>There is one thing he's just the slightest bit concer- uh- curious, yeah curious, about.</p><p>"Yorozuya," Hijikata whispers, before he can think about it. The kids are too busy talking to each other to pay attention to him. Gintoki shifts closer to him, brow raised, eyes soft. A nervous flutter runs through him, he has no idea why. "Ah, just, don't run out of money too quickly. Even an umbrella will be expensive for your wallet." He mumbles, looking away, cheeks tinting lightly.  </p><p>He has no idea what expression Gintoki’s making now, but there's certainly a playfulness in his normally bare voice. "I don't think she's lost it but if she has, maybe Hijikata-kun wouldn't mind footing the bill?" He whispers back. </p><p>He huffs softly. "You really think I'm a bank, don't you? Stop trying to make me as poor as you, moron." </p><p>"Who are you calling moron, moron? Not a bank, more like a... charitable donor?" </p><p>Hijikata considers this. "Well. You guys are kind of sad. Pitiful even." </p><p>The lazy samurai elbows him softly. "Oi. Says the guy who bought a brand new Tomoe 3000 figurine, complete with accessories." </p><p>Hijikata's face pinks, fingers clenching into his jacket. "I-I did not-!" He whisper yells, their conversation still hushed. How could he possibly know that?? His mind conjures an image of big carmine eyes and pale brown hair. The demon child. Ugh. "Quit hanging around that evil little gremlin. Everything he says is a lie! A lie!" </p><p>Gintoki chuckles. "He's the one who comes looking for me. Gin-san has the misfortune of attracting all the unsavory characters, you know?... Maybe that's why you never..." He trails off.</p><p>Hijikata turns to him, waiting, but the perm smoothly moves forward. "Anyways, surely my tax dollars have already paid for a new umbrella, right?" </p><p>"Okay, dumbass. One. You don't pay taxes. Two. That's not how taxes work. Three. I know you know that's not how taxes work." He whispers pointedly, clear blue on muddy red. </p><p>"Naaah," Gintoki dismisses him slowly. There's a certain dry twinge to his voice that causes the vice commander's lips to press firmly in a line. "That's definitely how it works. Or at least, that's what I tell the conbini store owner." </p><p>Blue eyes roll. "I can't believe I'm saying this but stop confessing your crimes to me, I don't have the time. Just get the girl her umbrella." </p><p>This man makes him <em>tired. </em>

</p><p>"Is Gin-san getting special treatment?" Gintoki nudges him gently. </p><p>Hijikata just stares at him, unamused, and kisses his teeth in reply. </p><p>"Alright, alright." The Yorozuya mutters. "Kagura-chan," he calls, "where is your umbrella?" </p><p>She blinks up at him, and then a devious grin slides across her face. "Why don't you ask the sadist pig, Gin-chan!" She points behind them, towards the clusters of trees that line the stone path. </p><p>Hijikata looks back and sees broken branches and crumbled stone, damages most likely caused by the Yato and sadist fighting. Nothing surprising there. There is a reason why he always brings his checkbook with him. He raises his gaze up to line with Kagura's pointed finger and- <em>oh</em>. He can't stop the bark of laughter escaping him. </p><p>There, high up on a tree, is Sougo, looking bruised and dazed and pinned by Kagura's umbrella, and now that he looks closer- </p><p>He starts laughing again. He can't help it. This is exactly what the punk was asking for. </p><p>"D-did you-" he hears Kondo ask over his laughter and Hijikata chokes out, "She did!" before he starts snickering again. Then he hears Kondo's own laughter and Kagura's giggles and even Shinpachi, ever the polite young man, can't hold himself back, as they watch the sadist slowly sway with the breeze, pinned to the tree by his damn underwear. </p><p>Yup. </p><p>She pinned him to the tree with a wedgie.  </p><p>Oh, it was karmic justice. <em>God</em>, Hijikata thinks, sharing a sly grin with the redhead, <em>what a great kid</em>. She likes sukonbu, right? She's getting as much sukonbu as his wallet can afford. </p><p>"You know," Gintoki drawls, amusement dancing on his tongue, "as a friend, I want to say I do feel bad for him. But as a fellow sadist-" and he brings out a little pink flip phone with cute animal stickers on it and a beaded strap, (Hijikata thinks this must be Kagura's), "I can't help but think this will make a wonderful Christmas card." </p><p>Hijikata snorts as the man takes several pictures. "For once, I'll be glad to receive your season's greetings." </p><p>"And Gin-san will be happy to deliver them to you. That'll just be an additional 700 yen charge for manufacturing purposes, 1300 yen for shipping and handling, and of course, 1000 yen for that perfect glossy coating. We also have a matte option if you'd prefer that, and it'll be 20 yen a letter if you'd like to add a message-" </p><p>"You're charging me?! 3000 damn fucking yen!? I'm not ordering these, you crook! I've got my own phone, you know?!" Hijikata fumes and goes to reach for his phone, only to remember he's still shielding Kagura from the sun, duh. "Kondo-san!" He barks. "Snap some shots!" </p><p>"Gin-san, Hijikata-san!" Shinpachi reprimands with a frown. "This isn't a fair thing to do to Okita-san. We've had our laughs, I think we should get him down from there." </p><p>"No way!" He and Kagura protest together. </p><p>"Pachi-boy, listen to me, yes? The dung faced one would've done it to me, so I did it to him first. An eye for an eye makes the whole world kind, yes?" </p><p>"Blind, Kagura-chan! Blind! That means you shouldn't treat others poorly even if they treat you like that, otherwise you're just as bad as they are!" </p><p>"Toshiiii." The girl whines. "Is that right?" </p><p>Both Kagura and Shinpachi stare at Hijikata expectantly, clearly anticipating two wildly different answers. </p><p>Hijikata shifts uncomfortably. </p><p>"Oi, kids, why are you asking him? Gin-san's a well of moral and ethical knowledge." </p><p>They ignore him. </p><p>Hijikata sighs. "Technically, Glasses is right about the quote," and here Shinpachi puffs up with pride while Kagura's shoulders sag. "But," he continues, "in some cases, I would say there are exceptions to that old adage. Particularly in cases involving certain sadistic captains who deserve every ounce of pain and misery the universe is willing to dish out." </p><p>"Hah!" Kagura gleefully shouts. </p><p>Shinpachi looks at him knowingly. "Hijikata-san. Your bias is showing." </p><p>So the kid's not impressed. Hijikata doesn't care. Shinpachi doesn't get it, he isn't the one being tortured day in and day out by a ruthless cockroach. The universe very rarely punishes the cockroach, it's only right that he and Kagura take advantage of the moment while they can. </p><p>"It's not bias, Pachi! Those are cold, hard facts, yes?" </p><p>"Absolutely." Hijikata replies. </p><p>"Oh, come now Toshi. That's no way for a superior officer to be acting." Kondo chides him gently. He's always had a soft spot for Sougo. </p><p>Unrelatable. </p><p>"He's really not that bad!" Kondo continues. "He's just got a hard time expressing himself." </p><p>"Kondo-san," Hijikata says flatly, "just this morning that brat replaced your futon with a cage that had a newspaper bedding, a vine to swing from, and served you only a single rotten banana for breakfast. What exactly do you think he was expressing?" </p><p>Kondo meets his flat stare for a moment longer before whipping out his cell phone. He rapidly starts taking pictures of the still wedgied boy, calling out, "Toshi! How does this angle look? Should I use a filter? Should I climb up there for a better shot?" But he doesn't wait for an answer, quickly scaling a neighboring tree with the swiftness and deftness of a- well. </p><p>"Oi, Gori!" The Yorozuya hollers. "Quit stealing my idea! Quick, Kagura! We can't let the competition beat us! Climb up there and get us some money shots!"</p><p>"Gin-san!" </p><p>"Nuh-uh, Gin-chan. Make Pachi do it, I've done my part, yes? Besides, how could you ask your precious daughter to burn herself in the sun? What a terrible old man you are, yes?" </p><p>"You can't just pick and choose when you want to be allergic to the sun! Gin-san sees right through you, little girl!" But the man turns his attention to Shinpachi and tries to cajole the boy into getting their 'money shots'. </p><p>"My, oh my," and Hijikata startles for just a second, while Gintoki and Shinpachi pause their arguing as Akihiko lightly chides, "if it's not one thing, it's another! You lot sure are a colorful bunch, huh? Can't you be more respectful of an old man's time?"</p><p>Oh. Right. Forgot about him. </p><p>Shinpachi gives him another apologetic smile. "We're very sorry, sir. No more distractions! So, Akihiko-san, is there any way to contact the gods of this shrine?" </p><p>The older man hums, hands clasped behind his back. "Well yes, but I'm not really comfortable explaining it to you young man." </p><p>At this, Hijikata exchanges curious gazes with the Yorozuya. </p><p>"Well, why's that?" He asks. </p><p>"Lets just say these gods require a more... mature method of communication." </p><p>Mature? Too mature for Shinpachi? Apparently his confusion is echoed by the younger two, as Shinpachi tells the man he is mature, more mature than the man that acts as his guardian, and Kagura backs him up by explaining that Shinpachi was born with a broom up his ass and a mortgage on the mind and before that can spark another spirited argument, the Yorozuya cuts in and declares, "Mature, as in nothing your little PG-13 ears should be hearing." </p><p>Shinpachi predictably flushes at the insinuation, while Kagura stares half curious, half uncaring. Hijikata is still confused. That kind of mature? Why would a shrine dedicated to pure love need an R18 warning? What kind of shrine is this? He shoots a quizzical look to the two men before turning to the children. "Why don't you two go back down to the town and-" what do children find interesting? - "go see a movie." </p><p>Okay, that's more something he finds interesting, but it's better than nothing. </p><p>"We don't have going-to-the-movies money." Kagura states forlornly. Her voice is so small. Her eyes grow even bigger. Shinpachi adopts her droopy disposition. </p><p>Why are they telling him that? Looking at him like that? Their wallet is the other guy! And the other guy- ugh. Those stupid dead fish eyes just gaze at him indifferently. His blood simmers. </p><p>"Gin-san doesn't have any going-to-the-movies money, either. He has to save it all for our outing." </p><p>"That's not my problem." </p><p>"Sounds like it is." </p><p>Hijikata scoffs. "How?" </p><p>"Becaaaaaause....it's Hijikata-kun's fault that we're going in the first place. Yup. That works." </p><p>An incredulous noise escapes Hijikata. "No, it doesn't! How is that my fault?! It was your idea to take them out!" </p><p>"Yeah but only because of you! If you hadn't been here then my kids wouldn't have a responsible, caring adult to complain to, so." Gintoki shrugs casually. "Really, it kinda sounds like <em>you</em> owe <em>me</em>." </p><p>His jaw drops, cigarette falling out. "HOW?! I <em>owe</em> you?! <em>I</em> owe <em>you</em>?! Just fifteen minutes ago we were talking about how <em>you</em> owe <em>me!</em>" </p><p>"Oh, Hijikata." Gintoki waves a hand at him, expression pitying. "Don't live in the past, it's not good for the soul. It's the present that matters, and presently I need going-to-the-movies money. So. Chop chop." Gintoki extends a large, calloused hand towards him, palm up. Hijikata can see a booger encrusted under the nail of his pinky. </p><p>He doesn't know why, but it's that specifically that sets him off.</p><p>A loud clang rings through the air as his sword clashes with a sturdy bokken, birds squawking, startled, the trees rustling as they fly away. Kagura lets out a noise of surprise as his jacket falls on her head unsupported. </p><p>Clear blue meets muddy red. Gintoki has almost no expression on his face, except the soft, lazy curve of a smirk resting along his mouth. His whole being gives off an unrelenting vibe of smug apathy. </p><p>God, it pisses him off. He really has <em>the</em> most punchable face. </p><p>The old man jumps back in fright, while the children look at each other and sigh. </p><p>Hijikata glares fiercely at the other samurai, all ice and fire, and shifts his stance into something more solid. He puts more strength into the push, but it's like trying to destabilize a building without an earthquake. Gintoki's foundation is just unbreakable. </p><p>And Hijikata isn't truly angry enough to be categorized as a natural disaster. Yet. </p><p>But he's still pissed off enough to mouth off to the man. "Maybe if you didn't spend all your money on gambling and booze, you'd be able to afford something as cheap as going to the movies!" He snarls. </p><p>"Cheap?! You think going to the movies is cheap?! That's just typical! Reverse Robin Hood over here thinks 2000 yen per person is somehow affordable for the average consumer!" </p><p>"So what you're saying is that you're <em>below average</em>, right? I could'a told you that. Well, I've <em>been</em> telling you that for years." </p><p>Gintoki scoffs. "There's nothing below average about Gin-san- " </p><p>"-except your IQ?" Hijikata interrupts innocently. </p><p>"Oh, big talk coming from the man who thinks the moon is made of mayonnaise!" </p><p>"I don't think that! Although, that would be cool..." He trails off. "Besides, you're the one who talks big! Just the other day you were out playing psychic and selling fake fortunes to the elderly!" </p><p>"Oi! We would've made those fortunes come true if your lot hadn't come by and destroyed my business! It's an open market! If it hadn't been us, it would've been someone worse! Gin-san's just thinking about the community!" </p><p>"Oh, yeah." Hijikata says sarcastically. "You're a real Make-A-Wish foundation, aren't you? The community doesn't need your shitty scam jobs, asshole." </p><p>"They're not scams, bastard! Gin-san's telling you, we would've made their fortunes come true!" </p><p>"Are you kidding me?" He snipes, "You're so pathetic you can't even make your own fortunes come true, let alone for others!"</p><p>Gintoki grins at him, but there's nothing happy about. It's all narrowed eyes and sharp teeth. "Well I've got one fortune that's about to come true and it involves you, me, and how far I can stick this bokken up your-" </p><p>"Don't. Even." Hijikata hisses. His eyes flare with a cold fire, a demonic energy emanating from him. If anyone else had been fighting with him, they would've been begging for mercy, but not Gintoki, not another demon.  </p><p>"Someone scared to get their ass kicked?" Gintoki taunts. </p><p>He scoffs. "You wish." </p><p>Muddy red is the only thing Hijikata can see. Silence is all he can hear. A cool breeze lifts his bangs off his forehead, and for a second he smells iron in the air. And then, simultaneously, he and Gintoki pull back, cutting swiftly through the air currents and then swinging forward. His sword glints dangerously in the light, arcing like lightning towards the other samurai at the same angle a quick bokken is striking at him, when he feels a sudden shove to his shoulder catching him completely unawares. He goes staggering back, barely able to keep his balance. </p><p>"It is officially Calm Down Time!" Kondo screams, standing between them, arms held firmly out.</p><p>"Kondo-san!" He yells, aggravated. </p><p>Gintoki throws an arm into the air. "What the hell, Gori-!" </p><p>"Don't you yell at me! I mean it! Don't!" Kondo looks tearily at Hijikata. "I'll cry, Toshi..." </p><p>Hijikata huffs peevishly, but it's mostly for show. Already he's cooling down. His commander wouldn't actually cry over something like that, but it's silly and sympathetic enough to de-escalate the situation easily. It's a calculated move honestly. As expected of Kondo-san, he thinks approvingly. </p><p>"Yeesh, Gori, no need to make a fuss. Gin-san wouldn't really hurt him." </p><p>The hell's that supposed to mean? Hijikata looks back at the man with a frown. </p><p>Gintoki looks straight at him, arrogance dancing on his face. "After all, that would be beneath a samurai of my caliber. You're still a hundred years too early to warrant a real fight from me, Hijikata-kun." </p><p>
  <em>"I'll kick your ass a hundred different ways, you bastard-" </em>
</p><p>"Toshi, no!" Kondo catches him by the shoulders and halts him mid-murder attempt. He starts sniffling, tears dripping down his cheeks. </p><p>"Wha-? Kondo-san! Quit cryin', we're in public! I won't do anything!" There's no need to be this dedicated to the ploy, especially when it's this humiliating, Hijikata thinks. He wasn't actually going to kill the moron, maim him sure, but not kill. Kondo should know that by now. </p><p>Gintoki clears his throat. "Yeah, Mayora, I don't think that's why he's crying." Gintoki is staring very intently at Kondo's lower back. He hears a couple noises of disgust and sympathy, looks over to see Kagura judgmentally staring, Shinpachi and Akihiko grimacing with pity. Also staring at Kondo's lower back. Without a second thought he turns the man around, who lets out a cry of pain. Hijikata's jaw unhinges as he stares at his friend, his leader, his brother in arms, who is bent over slightly and has his legs spread wide, probably to compensate for the giant tree branch puncturing his ass like a nail does to wood. </p><p>Kondo sniffles and turns his head to catch Hijikata's wide eyes. "I fell..." He whimpers miserably. </p><p>Okay. So. Not a calculated move. Hijikata closes his eyes and resists the urge to face palm. He should be used to this level of humiliation. He is not. </p><p>He sheathes his sword with a frustrated sigh. He meets impassive eyes over Kondo's shoulder. "You hold him, I'll pull." </p><p> </p><p>Sougo is still up in that tree. He'll probably stay up there until he can get himself down. Hijikata's certainly not going to make it easy for the little terror. Of course, if he's still there by nightfall....maybe. Maybe. There are more pressing matters anyway. Kondo should probably see a doctor....or a therapist, Hijikata supposes. He can deal with this shrine matter himself. </p><p>"Kondo-san." He calls out. The man looks up, his face a pathetic mess of tears and snot. He's delicately holding his broken behind. "Call Yamazaki to come and take you to a hospital." He takes a cool drag from his new cigarette. "I'll take care of this." </p><p>Kondo gives him a watery smile. "Thanks Toshi." He gently, painfully walks a little ways away to make a private call. Like it really makes a difference at this point. </p><p>"And you two," Hijikata says to the kids. They look at him, a little hopeful, a little expectant. He sighs, he just can't win.  </p><p>He yanks out his wallet to the sound of cheering and rolls his eyes. He grabs enough yen for two tickets and whatever snacks they want, and hands it off to Shinpachi, above Kagura's grabby hands. "Go ahead and keep the change." </p><p>He swears their eyes actually sparkle. They both throw their arms around him in a big hug and squeeze, and Hijikata kind of feels like he's suffocating but it's, well, it's kind of nice. In a way. Gives him this warm, squishy feeling, right in the center of his chest. </p><p>Weird. He should get that checked out. </p><p>"Thanks, Toshi! Bye, Gin-chan!" </p><p>"Thank you, Hijikata-san! Bye, Gin-san!" </p><p>They bound down the stone path, grins on their faces, and it would be a lie to say there isn't a small smile on his own face. </p><p>"Cute." </p><p>He turns to Gintoki, who he finds is already looking at him. There's an interesting expression on his annoying face, ordinary and nonchalant but somehow full of life. It's in the way his brows are set, the relaxed line of his mouth, the hint of teasing in dead fish eyes. There's something tender about it too, something more open and honest. He sees warmth in those muddied eyes. And well, of course there is, those are his kids. As destructive and nosy as they are, they also have good intentions and honest motivations and they're just, they're good kids. And maybe that has something to do with the man in front of him. Maybe. </p><p>He speaks frankly, "They certainly can be." </p><p>Gintoki smiles at him, small but genuine. "I wasn't talking about them." </p><p>The implication hits him immediately. He has half a mind to unsheathe his sword again and just swing wildly, maybe that will disguise the fact that he's blushing. Just a little. </p><p>It's just so <em>annoying</em> when the other samurai does that. Hijikata doesn't get it. They're always fighting, bickering, its partial therapy and partial ass kicking, but sometimes, sometimes when Hijikata is too exhausted from work to really put in the effort, or the day is just too nice to ruin with shouting, or they find themselves in pockets of calm and harmony, the Yorozuya will just do <em>that. </em>

</p><p>That thing. Being strangely nice and charming for no apparent reason. Teasing him but with zero edge. Sincerely complimenting him out of nowhere. </p><p>Sometimes, when Hijikata's off duty, he likes taking a walk to the park during sunsets. It's cliche but, it's beautiful. He likes watching the sky, likes seeing the blues turn pink and purple, likes seeing the sun illuminate the clouds, red and yellow and orange blooming across the sky as abruptly as a rupturing volcano, as gently as the tide kissing the shore. Likes seeing the intensity fade as the night rolls in, all inky blacks and indigos and midnight blues. The stars will do their own little siren call, shining, sparkling, enchanting, and Hijikata will gladly be their victim. Constellations play out in real time and the moon will rise with a celestial glow, the closest thing to 'other' that he has ever known. </p><p>And sometimes during those visits to the park, he'll be laying on the soft grass, arms pillowed behind his head, smoke wafting in the breeze, feeling truly at peace for once, and another figure will join him. They won't speak. Maybe a few words here or there, but overall, there's just silence between them. They're just two people, quietly appreciating what the universe has to offer, quietly appreciating each other. </p><p>It's nice. </p><p>He wonders why he's remembering those moments right now. Right after Gintoki's called him <em>cute</em>. Maybe it's because Gintoki's got the same look in his eyes now, staring at Hijikata, as he does when he's looking at the sun set and the stars light up the sky. That same quiet wonder. That same soft appreciation. </p><p>Hijikata doesn't really wanna think about what that could mean. His chest feels tight. His heart beats a little louder. He doesn't like that. So he looks away and tells his heart to shut up. </p><p>Focusing on the matter at hand, Hijikata stamps out his cigarette prematurely and lights another, nodding to the old man. "So the kids are gone. What's with the secrecy?" </p><p>"Well, Hijikata-san, Yorozuya-san, as you may know this shrine is dedicated to Jun'ai, the god of pure love. The typical way to commune with a god is of course, through prayer. However, from what you're describing, I doubt that method is what you're interested in. There aren't many tales or stories passed down of this god in particular, but I do remember one tale that may be the answer to your problems. Long ago-" </p><p>"Skip to the ending. Please." Hijikata doesn't have the time or the patience for this. </p><p>Akihiko looks at him carefully. "Are you sure? It's a good story, you know." </p><p>"I'm sure. I don't want to waste any more of your time." He adds, <em>or mine. </em>

</p><p>Akihiko strokes his beard in thought and hums to himself. He mumbles, "Well there is....oh no that's.....hmmm, yes okay!" He looks brightly at Hijikata. "Are you a virgin?" </p><p>Hijikata flushes a vibrant red. "W-what?! What kind of question is that?!" </p><p>Akihiko claps in delight. "Oh, so you are!" </p><p>"NO-" </p><p>"Hijikata-kun... you're still a virgin..?" Hijikata slowly turns in horror to the voice pitching with an edge of disbelief and creeping mirth. He can't even meet the other's eyes. Just being able to see those broad shoulders shake lightly in laughter is enough to melt him into a pool of humiliation. </p><p>Hijikata opens his mouth to defend himself but no words come out. </p><p>"Oh, come now, Yorozuya-san. There's nothing shameful about waiting." Akihiko gives him a warm smile. "In fact, it's rather charming, isn't it?" </p><p>"Charm- no- I- I've done stuff! I've done lotsa stuff!" Hijikata stutters unconvincingly. He has done lots of stuff! Just not sexual in nature...and why the hell should that matter anyway?! That's no one's business but his own! He's not waiting, he's just not interested! "And why're you assuming I'm the virgin and not him!" He asks furiously and points to the amused clown next to him. </p><p>Akihiko gives Gintoki a measured look and then gives Hijikata the same measured look. He nods. "With some people, you can just tell!" </p><p>"Hah?!" </p><p>"Don't you get it, Hijikata-kun? Anyone can tell from a mile away. You still have that powdery baby smell on you." Gintoki speaks loftily at him.</p><p>
  <em>"You couldn't tell until just now-!!" </em>
</p><p>Gintoki runs a hand through his hair, probably trying to act cool, and Hijikata watches it get caught on a knot. He tries casually yanking it out as he speaks, "There's a certain- maturity- to Gin-san that- Hijikata-kun just- yaAAh- doesn't have." He finishes cooly, finger gunning at Hijikata. </p><p>Hijikata idly gazes at that finger. </p><p>He has no idea what to say. He feels caught, feels like some big secret of his was just exposed. It's not a secret, he's never actively tried to hide that particular fact about himself, but he's never expressed it either. Why does he feel embarrassed? Virginity isn't something he's ever cared about. Is it because some stranger could tell in an instant? Is it because the Yorozuya is here to witness his so-called shame? There's a writhing cluster of feelings simmering below the surface of his skin, and he's in no mood to examine them any closer. So he does what he always does when he's avoiding his emotions. He sinks back into the familiar warmth of anger and violence and sighs in content. </p><p>Then he reaches out and crushes Gintoki's outstretched finger. </p><p>"YaaAARgH!" Gintoki screams. He yanks his finger away and cradles it protectively, glaring fiercely at Hijikata."What the hell is wrong with you, Mayora?! Aren't you pure types supposed to be sweet and caring, oi?! Shouldn't you be coyly flirting and blushing all maidenly and shit?! Well," Gintoki pauses. "You do have that last part down- yah!" He yelps and jumps out of Hijikata's kicking range. </p><p>"I don't know shit about 'pure types', dumbass! Keep your perverted fantasies to yourself!" Ugh, Hijikata could kill that man! "And you!" He swivels around to face Akihiko, steam practically rising out of his ears. "What the hell does any of this have to do with communicating with Jun'ai?!" </p><p>"It has everything to do with it, Hijikata-san! The only way to request his presence is for you to lose your virginity!" Akihiko informs him with a cheerful smile. "You see now why I didn't want those kids around." He tells the Yorozuya.</p><p>Hijikata can only stare in shock, once again rendered speechless. </p><p>What? </p><p>What?! </p><p>"Whoa, whoa, whoa! Hold up, old man!" Gintoki is suddenly in front of Hijikata, between him and Akihiko. He's got his hands out in front of him, like he's trying to hold something back. There's this sense of urgency in his voice, panic, pressure, and it leaves Hijikata baffled. Why does it seem like Gintoki is...more worried about this than he is? "You can't just go around telling people all willy nilly that they need to lose their virginities! Especially to please a <em>god</em>, I mean come on! Doesn't that scream sexual harassment to you? Are you a pervert?" </p><p>Akihiko gasps, offended, and narrows his dark eyes. "Certainly not! You asked me the question, young man, not the other way around. I'm sorry if you don't like the answer, but it's the only plausible solution to your problem." </p><p>Gintoki gives a slightly manic laugh. "How is someone fucking him the answer?!" </p><p>Hijikata flushes even deeper with embarrassment, red creeping down his chest. "Don't say it like that, jerk!" He scolds and slaps at Gintoki's bicep. The man doesn't even react, and Hijikata realizes that hurt him more than the perm, if the light sting in his palm is an accurate indication. He's not that surprised, Gintoki is very...solid, he thinks, eyeing the bulging muscles in his arm. </p><p>"It's all in the story!" Akihiko retorts. "I know it sounds unconventional, but when a young woman asks for blessings from Jun'ai and then loses her virginity, Jun'ai appears before her. I can only hypothesize that if Hijikata-kun asks for his blessings and then loses his virginity, Jun'ai might also appear." </p><p>"I- what?! That's what you're going off of?! That seems credible to you?!" Hijikata yells, incredulous. </p><p>"Young man," Akihiko warns, "I am doing my best to help you. A little appreciation would be nice." </p><p>An inkling of shame wells up in him. He frowns. "Sorry. It's just- I mean... Has this ever worked?" </p><p>The old man blinks. "How should I know? Most people come here to offer their prayers, not request a meeting with a deity." </p><p>Hijikata throws his hands in the air. "<em>Then why</em>- this is garbage! I'm not doing this! Who am I even supposed to sleep with?! Who could possibly believe this nonsense?!" </p><p>"Yeah!" Gintoki nods his head in emphatic agreement.</p><p>Akihiko gives them a strange look, an almost mischievous twinkle in his eyes. He clasps his hands behind his back and innocently states, "Well, I was thinking you, Yorozuya-san." </p><p>"...yeah?" Gintoki asks, voice low and intrigued.</p><p>Hijikata's jaw drops. "Hah?! Don't tell me-?!" and he quickly stumbles back as Gintoki faces him, eyes holding a sadistic intent. "You- you can't be serious?! You pervert!" He shouts, heartbeat rising rapidly. He feels weak, dizzy, horribly flustered. "You want to <em>deflower me?!</em>" He cries faintly in disbelief. </p><p>The smirk on Gintoki's face screams dark and cocky. He looks terribly confident, back straight, curls blown slightly away, shoulders strong and broad, eyes looking so damn <em>amused</em>, like Hijikata is some fun <em>toy</em>, it pisses him off enough to regain some clarity. </p><p>"Don't flatter yourself, Hijikata-kun." Gintoki purrs, voice so deep and rich, tinged with an attractive inflection of smug bastard. Hijikata is horrified to find that he <em>likes it</em>. "Gin-san is only thinking of his client, his client. If the only way to help my client is to, what'd you say? Deflower you? Well, Gin-san is only doing his job as the Yorozuya." He shrugs, carefree. </p><p>Hijikata grits his teeth. "Your client is a <em>dog</em>, you fucking cradle robber." </p><p>"Cradle rob- oi! You're not that much younger than me, you know! Just because I have the old man smell doesn't mean I'm an old man!" </p><p>"It's not just the smell, it's the look." </p><p>"Oi!" </p><p>"And there's no way in hell I'm going to sleep with you for the sake of a damn dog!" </p><p>"What about your client, huh? Mr. Midsummer Night's Dream?" </p><p>Hijikata scoffs. "My client can pray to Puck and go fuck himself. This is ridiculous! I can't believe you actually want to do this." He adds harshly. </p><p>Gintoki is silent for a moment before he steps closer to Hijikata. He smiles, but it doesn't reach his eyes. When he speaks, it’s in that annoyingly uncaring manner of his, absolutely unaffected and somehow quietly haughty. "You know Gin-san isn't one to turn down free stuff. Sex is sex, Hijikata. Even with a crabby little bastard like you." </p><p>He scowls, ignoring the slight twinge of hurt that pricks at him. "So you're desperate. Big surprise there." </p><p>"Not desperate. Gin-san told you, this is for the client. She's a very scared dog, you know. Sadaharu will maim me if I don’t fix her problem." </p><p>"Promise?” He asks, humorless, eyes icy. What a goddamn waste of time. He turns around and starts walking away, calling over his shoulder, “Have fun being maimed."</p><p>There’s a small pause before he hears Gintoki call out, "So you won't do your due diligence as an investigator and my client has to suffer?" </p><p>Hijikata keeps walking. </p><p>"One little afternoon with Gin-san and you won't have to worry about this stupid case ever again." He offers. </p><p>There is nothing, <em>nothing</em>, that lazy oaf can say that will change Hijikata's mind. </p><p>"You won't do it for anything, huh? I'm shocked. Is the demon vice commander <em>scared?" </em>

</p><p>Hijikata stills. </p><p>Behind him, Gintoki smirks victoriously.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Heyyyy everyone! Hope y'all are doing well! So remember when I said this was only going to be 4 chapters? Well, I lied lol. See, I did have something already partially written for the next chapter but then I had this idea and I liked it better so I wrote it. Today we're going back in time and exploring Gintoki's side of things! Sorry it took so long, Sougo is an incredibly hard character to write in my opinion. I hope I got him characterized somewhat accurately. Also, this chapter is a lot of me simping for Toshi lol.</p><p>Thanks for all the lovely comments btw! I really, really appreciate them! :)</p><p>Oh, and my bad about the page breaks or whatever they're called. No matter what I do I can't format it properly lol.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>3 Months Ago </strong>
</p><p>It's not like Gintoki intentionally drove his scooter through the St*rb*cks coffee shop. The eye witness accounts would back him up on this, he'd clearly crashed through the glass paneling screaming, swerving to avoid hitting a mother and child, all while getting the life choked out of him by some idiot who'd fallen out of the sky and directly into his lap. </p><p>Gintoki throws an irate glance her way, absentmindedly picking a small shard of glass out of his hand. A blonde woman in a pale green kimono and scarf stood by the side of the famed demon vice commander, staring up at him with stars in her eyes and blush on her cheeks. </p><p>Unbelievable.</p><p><em>He'd</em> been the one to save her from the crash, curling around her protectively, throwing them from his scooter at the last second so they would only suffer minor injuries at worst. Where is the gratuitous gushing for him? Where is the large helping of hero worship for him? Where is the ego boosting fanfare he needs to help soothe the sting from the glass shards that cut through his skin and the aching pain of the bruises the harsh concrete had dealt him?</p><p>Well, of course he hadn't done it with the aim of being thanked, not when his first and foremost instinct is always to protect, but why the fucking hell should that self righteous walking stick of nicotine be getting <em>his</em> well deserved appreciation?! It's just his luck that bastard had to show up and steal his spotlight. Why the hell were the Shinsengumi even processing this crash site? They deal with crimes on a federal level, the day to day accidents or misdemeanors have their own local police! </p><p>Gintoki looks back to the coffee shop, it's green awning and black, metallic framework intact. He notes the shattered glass and broken or overturned furniture are about the most damage it faces. After swerving to avoid those pedestrians, who had definitely been jaywalking, he'd careened onto the sidewalk and abruptly slowed down, forcing his scooter to flip over and launch into the shop due to the momentum it still possessed. It had quickly toppled and skidded to a screeching halt inside. There had not been many patrons in the shop as its currently Gin-san Should Be Asleep o' clock, and no one had been hurt, save for Gintoki himself. </p><p>Story of his life. </p><p>And on top of all this bullshit, he thinks, blinking himself awake because the adrenaline is long since gone and the smarting handprint left on his face had turned into a rather dull ache, that woman had had the nerve to smack him back to the stone ages with a pitchy scream of <em>"Pervert!"</em>

</p><p>Him? A pervert? Did he look like a gorilla stalker? Did he look like a ninja stalker?! Gin-san is no pervert! If anything she had been the one with deviant behavior, falling right onto his lap, pressing her soft, warm body onto his, wrapping her arms around his neck and begging him with her soft, sweet voice, and when they'd hit the concrete, it was she who had pressed her soft bosom into his face.....</p><p>Well. Maybe he shouldn't have nuzzled into it. </p><p>It was simply the impact from the aftershock bouncing through him, okay?! He isn't a pervert, okay?! He'd let her go immediately, okay?! He hadn't even realized, okay?! Stop judging him, okay?! He screeches internally when he catches two pairs of eyes glaring at him, one a light brown, the other a piercing sky blue. Her hand is delicately holding onto his arm. </p><p>That should be <em>his</em> arm, dammit! </p><p>A fierce, icy wind blows past him, as if his anger had amassed itself into a physical form.</p><p>Or maybe it's their anger. </p><p>Twin disapproving frowns sear into his very soul. Gintoki suddenly realizes that despite the bustling movement of a clean up crew and accident report officers around him, he is very alone within the incident site, somehow excluded while inside the yellow police tape. The icy wind swirls past again, lifting his open coat off him for a second, intense, but not as intense as all the judgemental stares he feels. The sun seems to shine brightly on everything but him. He prays to feel it's warmth on his cold skin and frozen pride but as strongly as it shines, its heat seems to be just as distant. He exhales noisily and sees it, in a little puff of wispy breath. Gone in an instant, never to return. </p><p>His dignity. </p><p>Every passing second spent under the glare of these hyper critical pricks is a second too many. He trudges over to the side of the road, where Okita is, the closest asshole with a reputation worse than his. He ducks under the police tape, sidling up next to him. He looks uber cozy in his standard issue black winter coat, gloves, and earmuffs. In his hands is a steaming hot thermos of something. Gintoki sniffs, by the smell of it, hot chocolate. </p><p>Yum. </p><p>His stomach growls. He'd left the house this morning without eating breakfast, too intent on getting the hell away from his tiny apartment before that gnarled witch with a penchant for smoking sent her ruthless terminator upstairs to beat the money he owed her out of him. Kagura is there alone, sleeping the morning away most likely, and it's better that way. Shinpachi will be over soon to wake her up and make some breakfast for them. Tama never seems to do as much destruction if Gintoki isn't her target. </p><p>See, he isn't running away from his responsibilities, he's strategizing. </p><p>There's a difference.</p><p>There is.</p><p>There is! </p><p>Gintoki sighs. </p><p>There is not. But no one else has to know that but him. </p><p>"Morning, Danna." Okita greets, voice mild and uninterested. </p><p>"Morning, Soichirou-kun." </p><p>"It's Sougo, Danna. What's brought you out of your cave so bright and early and sexually offensive this morning?" </p><p>"It was an accident, you little shit!" Gintoki seethes through gritted teeth. "An accident! Gin-san's skull was smacked onto hard concrete, he didn't know what he was doing! He could have a concussion, you know?! How come I haven't been checked over by some beautiful paramedic already, huh? Where are the siren sounds of the ambulance coming to treat Gin-san with the care, love, and lollipops he deserves, huh?! What kind of shoddy operation is this?! What kind of government are you protecting if this is the poor reception a wrongfully accused, starving, hurt, and rather upstanding citizen is receiving?!" </p><p>Okita looks at him with thinly veiled amusement. He takes a long, slurping sip of his hot chocolate. Gintoki's eye twitches. With a satisfied sigh, the boy replies, "Medical care is for taxpayers, Danna." With a cheeky little tilt of his head he continues, "Oh, but I think there's an animal hospital down the road." </p><p>Gintoki hopes he looks as unfriendly as he feels. "So it's not about the taxes then." </p><p>"Is it ever?" </p><p>Gintoki stares dead eyed for a second longer before he turns his face to the blinding sun and closes his eyes. He heaves a long, weary sigh, his chest loosening up and his nerves settling. There's really no point to stewing in his frustration. </p><p>"Oi, Okita-kun. What brings your lot here?" </p><p>"Mmm, Hijikata-san. That bastard and I are on patrol, and we heard the commotion. I wanted to continue on because we were heading to the markets area, which is an easy place to lose Hijikata-san, but you know that bastard is a nosy busybody so we ended up here." </p><p>"It's not even his jurisdiction, right? There's no case here, he's just wasting taxpayer money playing detective." Gintoki snarks. </p><p>"I could've been down by the docks already if it wasn't for him." Okita laments. </p><p>"The docks?"</p><p>"They're about a half a mile from the markets. Did you know the guys down there will tie any person of your choosing to the mooring poles and leave them to suffer through high tide? I keep trying to convince them to take Hijikata-san but they won't bite. They keep saying they need an adequate reason to tie him up, like getting him out of the way wouldn't be a boon for the city." He complains.  </p><p>Gintoki glances at him out of the corner of his eye. He's distinctly reminded that Okita, for as innocently childish as his face is, is truly a disturbing young man. "...how reassuring, Okita-kun. Edo is truly in your debt." He adds dryly. </p><p>Carmine eyes twinkle. "Naturally, Danna. Say, if you really want to show your appreciation, you can always help me with Operation Black Lung." </p><p>Gintoki raises an eyebrow, dark eyes flicking to jet black hair and a starkly pressed uniform. Casually, he clasps his hands behind his head, lacing cold fingers together. "Black lung, huh? Seems to me you don't need any help with that." </p><p>Okita smiles, thin, easygoing, and with a hint of malice.   </p><p>"Don't tell me anything." He says abruptly, warning bells going off in his brain. "Gin-san is a youth no longer. Kids may be able to bounce around from one reckless action to the next with a single minded enthusiasm for adventure, chasing after life's highs with their spirits intact and their dreams limitless," He wags a finger at Okita, "but adults have no such luck. Trouble-making is something Gin-san's left behind, alright?" </p><p>Okita peers at him blankly, then glances around at the destruction inside the perimeter of the police tape. "Wow, Danna." He drawls, fake concern in his voice but absolutely expressionless. "Not only are you so old that your hair has gone bad, but your brain has, too. The Shinsengumi has an onsite doctor, should I make you an appointment? Normally we don't offer installment plans for the purposes of paying back bills, but I'm sure we can make an exception, just for you and your...circumstances." </p><p>His smile is courteous. His eyes scream <em>peasant. </em>

</p><p>A wave of irritation slams into Gintoki, but he refuses to be baited by the sadistic little shit. Gintoki's been playing this game since before baby-bazookas-a-lot was born. He forces a genial smile onto his face, wrapping an arm around the malevolent boy and jostling him into his side. "Not to worry, Sofa-kun, not to worry. Gin-san's hair is naturally like that you know, and it's silver, not gray. Silver." He emphasizes. "Nice and shiny, like the wheat on your head." </p><p>Gintoki squeezes him hard, and the boy looks up at him with mild curiosity. "This concern of yours really warms Gin-san's heart though. Of course, I'm not surprised, we really are like two balls in a jockstrap, eh? More alike than your right and left hand. It's no wonder everyone says you'll end up <em>just like me." </em>

</p><p>Self burns are never fun but it's completely worth it when the prince of sadism stiffens in his grasp and then abruptly turns away. </p><p>His mouth opens, shuts, opens again and then he hears the petulant, "...I'm no madao."</p><p>"Gin-san's no madao either, brat!"  </p><p><em>"I</em> have a job."</p><p><em>"You</em> have an allowance!"</p><p>Okita glares at him, his usual bored attitude falling into proper annoyance. "You're really in a bad mood, huh." </p><p>Gintoki narrows his eyes, the petty anger simmering under his skin burning hotter, until one glance at a very slight frown has it dissipating. His eyes soften. He swings a hand up and roughly ruffles the boy's soft hair as best as he can over the earmuffs. </p><p>Okita's annoyance turns into nothing, fading into his inexpressive demeanor. He gazes at the silver haired man calmly, unbothered by the hand in his hair. </p><p>Gintoki gives him a little half quirk of a smile. "You can't say it, but I'll admit to it. Gin-san really is an old man, and he gets cranky when he's hungry and tired." </p><p>"Sounds like a baby to me." Okita muses. </p><p>Gintoki gives him one last hair ruffle. "Brat." He mutters warmly. "Yes, yes, you're right. Gin-san needs his milk. Maybe he can take a sip out of that thermos? He'd prefer strawberry, but chocolate will do." </p><p>Okita looks at him, hair messy, eyes holding all the warmth of the summer sun. "Of course, Danna. Ah, actually," he pauses and unscrews the lid of his thermos, fresh cocoa wafting deliciously past Gintoki's nose. Okita grabs a packet of something from his pocket and tears the top off with his teeth. He grins at Gintoki. "Since you love things extra sweet, I'll add some more sugar for you." </p><p>Gintoki feels somewhat touched. For all the wild extremes in his twisted personality, the kid can be kind of nice when he wants. </p><p>Okita finishes shaking out the packet and then quickly rescrews the lid, swirling the contents inside. "Okay, drink up." He hands Gintoki the thermos with a guileless expression. </p><p>Feeling a bit jolly, the curly haired samurai gives a grin and knocks the hot chocolate back like an alcoholic drink, gulping down a large quantity. It goes down with a soothing heat, warming him up from his head to his toes. </p><p>Oh, <em>really</em> warming him up, his skin breaks out into a sweat from the sudden rise in temperature. His nasal cavity clears out of nowhere, running like an overflowing river as he snivels. God, everything is hot, hot, hot. So damn hot! His mouth is on <em>fire</em>, and he starts coughing, dropping the thermos, hands on his knees as the heat viciously dries out his throat. He hisses out a breath and it comes out as <em>steam. </em>

</p><p>"Oh." A familiar voice breaks through his suffering. He squints furiously at Okita through blurring eyes. The fucking sadist has the <em>gall</em> to look surprised. "I'm sorry, Danna. This packet isn't sugar." Carmine eyes glint at him mischievously as he says, "It's spice." </p><p> </p><p>               				    	*************</p><p>The eyes. </p><p>The eyes should've tipped him off. Okita isn't capable of that kind of sunshine-y look.</p><p>For once, he thinks after his mouth has finally cooled down, courtesy of vigorous panting and the passage of time, he truly understands Hijikata's pain. To think the man has to deal with that psychopath 24/7, and on a much more dangerous scale. Gintoki shakes his head, he truly feels bad for the man. </p><p>A soft moan catches his attention. That woman, he never did get her name, wraps her arms around herself, shivering in the chilly air, looking at Hijikata coyly. </p><p>"Ahh," She lilts, leaning in closer to him, "it sure has gotten colder lately. Aren't we supposed to be warming up by now?" </p><p>"...It's February." Is the soft reply. </p><p>She smiles at him, looking up at him through her eyelashes. "I know, I know. Just wishful thinking. I should've dressed up more but I didn't realize I'd be out here so long." She giggles, "Brrr." </p><p>Hijikata glances at her, head to toe, with a cautious look in his eye. "Maybe I can find you a shock blanket-" </p><p>"Oh, no! No, that's okay! I don't want to inconvenience you. My blood flow is fine and all. For now." She adds. Her fingertips lightly graze his uniform vest. Her voice lowers with a coquettish smile, "I think simple human body heat would be much more appropriate in helping me warm up."  </p><p>It's not <em>that</em> cold, Gintoki thinks, irritated. Sure he can't feel his toes, he can see his breath, and his face feels freezer burned, but it's not <em>that</em> cold. Not cold enough to warrant this incessant flirting with <em>him</em> of all people. If she wants to warm up, Gin-san is right here! And he runs much hotter than that cold bastard. Even with only a jacket over his normal yukata combo, he feels a lot warmer than how Hijikata looks. The man is only wearing a blue scarf wrapped around his neck to accompany the Shinsengumi uniform. His face is bright pink. His hands are, too, and every so often, a tremble runs through him. </p><p>Really lady? She wants to get with the bastard that's stubborn and arrogant even in the face of the forces of nature? Frozen like a mother discovering her son's stash of porno? Tall, dark, and bitchy is her type? </p><p>Ridiculous. Gintoki no longer feels bad for him. </p><p>
  <em>Get him, Sofa-kun. Get him. </em>
</p><p>He watches, too intensely, as Hijikata takes a step back from her. </p><p>
  <em>Here it comes lady, the cruel rejection of the demon vice commander. </em>
</p><p>She falters for a moment before her eyes widen in surprise, just like Gintoki's, as Hijikata shrugs off his uniform jacket and arranges it onto her small shoulders.  </p><p>"My subordinate should be back with your release documents soon, until then you can use my jacket to keep warm." Hijikata says coolly, hands lighting up a cigarette, cupping the small flame. </p><p>The woman stares at him, stunned. Enamored. She tugs his jacket tighter around her, breathless as she thanks him. </p><p>Oi. </p><p>Oi. </p><p>OI. </p><p>Did Gintoki walk into some shitty shojo manga?! Did the tumble onto the pavement give him a real concussion?! What is this meet-cute bullshit?! Why is she staring at him like he offered her his damn kidney, huh?! </p><p>Gintoki had used his <em>own body</em> to shield her from the wreckage of their crash! </p><p>Hijikata gave her a <em>jacket!</em> A jacket! </p><p>Frankly, he needs it more than she does! His hands are shaking around that flame, doesn't she see that?! His lips are turning blue, oi! Somebody get both of these morons a shock blanket! </p><p>How is she falling for any of this?! </p><p>"Shitty bastard." Okita states bluntly. </p><p>Gintoki scoffs. "You got that right." </p><p>So now, he's cold, starving, tired, and his ego has taken a blow. What a great morning. </p><p>"Now would you like to participate in Operation Black Lung?" </p><p>"Oh, abso-" </p><p>"Hijikata-san!" A voice interrupts him. He turns towards the shop entrance, the actual open door, not the broken window, and sees what seems to be the manager of the coffee shop. The man seems to be in his 30s, with dark hair and a blinding smile. In his gloved hands is a cup tray, holding four cups of hot coffee and little cookies. The rich aroma has Gintoki's stomach eating itself in hunger. He needs something, preferably not poisoned. </p><p>"Oi, Manager-san," Gintoki calls out to him as he comes closer, "would you mind giving Gin-san a little-" </p><p>The manager pays him no attention at all, walking past him to greet Hijikata warmly. </p><p>Gintoki gapes. Then snaps. "Stop ignoring Gin-san for that Mayora bastard!" He screams. The wind whistles in the aftermath of his outburst.</p><p>They don't notice him at all. </p><p>Something inside him shrivels. </p><p>His pride. </p><p>"Danna, please. You're embarrassing me."  </p><p>Gintoki whips his head around, eyes wild. "What the hell is going on, O-ki-ta- kuuuun? Why are they treating Gin-san like a total Madao, huh?! Why are they ignoring Gin-san for that egotistical, violent, standoffish asshole?!" </p><p>Okita is a blank slate save for the tilt of his head. "Oh, c'mon Danna." He brushes off Gintoki's question, nodding his head back to Hijikata. </p><p>The manager's voice cuts through the jumble of his thoughts. </p><p>"- didn't know what you liked so I made four different flavors, ranging from plain black coffee to fan favorite caramel ribbon crunch! And well, I know you didn't ask but you're just working so hard out here, I thought it was the least I could do. Plus you just look so cold-" </p><p>"I-I'm n-n-not c-c-cold." Hijikata stutters as he grabs a random cup and holds it close to his chest. "Th-thank you." </p><p>The manager smiles that beaming grin. "Of course!" He deftly moves the cup tray out of reach when the woman goes to grab a drink, all while staring at Hijikata with feverish eyes. "Anything for you." He murmurs. </p><p>...</p><p>HAH?! </p><p>"Oi!" Gintoki thrusts a hand out. He can't fucking believe this! "There's another one!" </p><p>Okita raises a faint brow. "Why are you acting so surprised? That bastard gets attention all the time." </p><p>"Yeah, yeah a snapping alligator will get my attention too! Doesn't mean I want to take it home with me!"</p><p>It's not that Gintoki is shocked that people are flirting with <em>him</em>, it's that he's shocked that people are <em>flirting</em> with him! What is appealing about a constantly glaring, screaming, bitching jackass who eats mayonnaise by the tub, smokes enough to fund the retirements of all the tobacco shop owners in the district, and is trigger-happy but with a sword?! </p><p>Slice-happy! </p><p>He's goddamn slice-happy! What's great about that?! </p><p>And why is he more popular than Gin-san?! </p><p>Okita looks from Gintoki's outraged face to Hijikata gulping down scalding coffee, his face flushing even more as his fingers slowly stop trembling. He looks back at Gintoki and points to Hijikata. Bluntly, he states, "He's hot." </p><p>Gintoki pauses. "What do you take Gin-san for? An idiot?" He waves a hand flippantly. "All demons are made from hellfire. Come on, Okita. Are you slipping or are you sympathizing, huh?" </p><p>The young man in question simply stares that mildly uninterested yet calculating stare of his. "Mmm, I think I know what your problem is. Picture this, Danna. It's just you and Hijikata-san on a deserted island. He's wearing only a tiny pair of shorts and he's got a strawberry parfait in one hand...."  </p><p>Unbidden, the image appears in his head. The setting sun casts a golden glow on Hijikata, palm trees swaying behind him as the ocean ebbs and flows against the white sand shore. He is indeed only in a tiny pair of black shorts, long legs on display. The parfait in his hand looks delicious, and is certainly the only appealing part of the fantasy as fake Hijikata scowls and nags at him. </p><p>
  <em>'I can't believe you only saved these stupid parfaits from the ship! Are you an idiot? Is there a brain underneath those curls?' </em>
</p><p>
  <em>'What kind of man happily lazes about on a deserted island! We need to be working to get off this stupid thing, and all you do is take naps and go swimming and waste all our time! Get off your lazy ass, stupid perm!' </em>
</p><p>
  <em>'I don't care if your hands are bleeding! I don't care if your hands break- you're the goddamn Yorozuya! Suck it up and build me my goddamn hut, asshole! Complain one more time and I'll kill you myself!' </em>
</p><p>
  <em>'This is the code of the island. There are 47 rules. The breaking of any of these rules results in immediate death. Rule #1: Don't have curly hair. Die, bastard.' </em>
</p><p>Gintoki blinks. He stares blankly at Okita. "Gin-san is no M." </p><p>Okita smirks at him. "Then you have to do it the way us S's do." His eyes slant with a dangerous intent. "Keep him quiet." </p><p>Not wanting to dive into all <em>that</em>, Gintoki allows himself to imagine the scene again. Same beach and sunset background. Same Hijikata in a tiny pair of shorts. Same parfait. Same bratty mouth, but without any noise. </p><p>What's the big deal? </p><p>Except...except without the harsh words, there's not much else to focus on but... </p><p>It's like he's seeing Hijikata for the first time, without the veil of blistering anger and reckless impatience on his end, and the utter need to taunt and show the bastard up during every interaction on Gintoki's end. All that's left is....</p><p>Oh shit. </p><p>Gintoki's heart traitorously skips a beat. </p><p>Silky, glossy black hair frames a heart shaped face. Eyebrows are dark and full with the perfect arch, knitted in annoyance. Sky blue eyes are bright and intense, piercing under thick, feathery lashes and the power of his glare. A smooth nose is perfectly proportioned and straight. Pale skin is utterly flawless, glowing, and looks soft to the touch. There's a healthy flush to his cheeks that Gintoki's not sure is from the cold, the coffee, or his typical anger. It might even be natural. Straight, pearly white teeth are hidden by the most gorgeous pair of lips Gintoki's ever seen before, soft, pillowy, cherry colored, and twisted into a disgusted frown.  </p><p>He's beautiful. </p><p>And that's just his face. </p><p>His body is unfairly alluring, especially in only a teeny pair of shorts. His figure is lithe and firm. Muscles tight, compact, and supple. He doesn't lean bulky the way Gintoki does, not as wide either, but toned and just as strong. </p><p>He feels breathless, like he's just been punched in the gut. Hijikata is painfully attractive. Gintoki can literally feel desire course through him, hot, needy, and insatiable. </p><p>What the fuck. </p><p>There's a rising sense of horror that creeps up his spine as the image in his head fades away. The back of his neck tingles uncomfortably. He slowly turns to the sadist, who looks at him far too innocently. "O-oi. W-what did you do to Gin-san...?" </p><p>Okita looks like the cat who caught the canary, so smugly satisfied. Before he can reply, Hijikata calls out to him. "Oi, Sougo! Get away from that pervert!"</p><p>"Who are you calling pervert, prettyboy?!" Gintoki snaps on instinct. Oh. He can still get annoyed. That's a relief. But he'd meant to call the man 'bastard', not prettyboy. </p><p>Hijikata looks slightly taken aback, but elects to ignore him, blue eyes narrowing at Okita. "Sougo, go see what's takin Harada so long!" </p><p>Okita raises a hand, waving him off. "Sure thing, Mom." </p><p>Hijikata squawks, "Who're you callin Mom, brat?!" </p><p>Okita claps a hand to Gintoki's shoulder. His eyes are impish as he says, "Glad I could help you out, Danna." </p><p>As Okita starts walking in the direction of a police car, Gintoki does the only thing he can think of doing. He turns around and starts walking back home, ignoring the irritated "Oi! Where do you think you're going, shitty perm? Hey, are you listening to me?! Oi, you can't just leave, asshole!" </p><p>He'll pick up his scooter from the impound lot later. He'll deal with the fallout of the damages later. That lady, she'd fallen out of the fucking sky and into his lap, the clearest sign that today is going to be one of <em>those</em> days. She can come to the Yorozuya office if she's that in need, he doesn't have to stick around here and wait for the inevitable request. </p><p>He'd take it all back if he could. Start the day his normal, laidback way. This is what he gets for strategizing, Gintoki thinks bitterly. He wishes he could turn back time and wake up to the sound of a broom smacking against his floor. He'd gladly take the old woman griping at him too early in the morning, the robot maid swatting at him with laser sharp focus, the cat thief insulting him from across the bar, the gluttonous little she-beast eating him out of house and home, and the glasses wearing fanboy constantly nagging him over the shitshow that was this morning. Really, he'd take it all and with a smile too. Anything for a hint of normalcy. Anything for a hint of stability. </p><p>Anything to get sharp blue eyes out of his mind.</p><p>                          				**************</p><p>"That'll be 750 yen. Would you like your receipt?" Gintoki asks, as blank and dull as the dreary weather outside the clear window of the St*rb*cks coffee shop. </p><p>"Um, no thank you." The man nervously smiles up at him before going to wait over by the 'Pick Up' counter, twirling his umbrella around in his hand. </p><p>Gintoki sighs, staring out at the empty space. The florescent lighting gives the wooden tables and empty chairs an even lonlier vibe. The static hum of the refrigerator interrupts the silence in the shop. It's a slow moving morning, with only about two or three patrons in the shop, and only about six total since he came in to open. </p><p>The hubbub of Shinpachi flitting about behind him making the customer's drink is the only source of life in this bubble of wearisome work. Kagura is currently sat on the floor, eating her way through the display case of cold pastries and sandwiches. As compensation for crashing into this shop, Gintoki had installed the new window pane and fixed the furniture free of charge. Of course, to pay for the window and furniture parts he'd struck a deal with the manager to provide free labor until they broke even. At first the kids had been excited to work in a new environment and wear the cute green aprons and visors and learn the secrets behind the drinks, but after two weeks of rush hours, rude customers, ridiculous orders, and the long stretches of boredom, all without pay, they're tired. They're stultified. They're sick of hearing, "Oh, I'm running late. Could you put mine at the front of the line?" </p><p>Could you get better time management skills? </p><p>Needless to say the kids are thrilled tomorrow is the last day at this job. Gintoki would be, if he thought the ache behind his eyes, the throb in his temples, and the bone deep sluggishness that follows every movement would also disappear overnight. Unfortunately for him, he knows the cause for the sudden fog in his mind is not because of the uppity establishment, but because of the rotten bastard who won't stop plaguing his dreams at night. Even during daylight hours, thoughts of blue eyes and black hair flit around in his mind at random intervals, like his brain is a radio that accidentally tunes into the 'Hijikata Toshirou: Demonic Human or Humane Succubus?' program. </p><p>Everything reminds him of Hijikata's stupidly beautiful face or obnoxiously attractive body. This lukewarm cup of joe Gintoki's been drinking to stay awake? The rich, creamy bitterness layered under the sugar saturated taste reminds him of Hijikata. The purse a customer has set on a table? The red color reminds him of Hijikata's plush lips. The cloudy, overcast sky? The silverish glow that drapes over everything reminds him of the way sky blue eyes can look in the right lighting. The hanging light fixtures? The sleek design reminds him of Hijikata's muscled, lithe figure. </p><p>Its akin to torture, this useless pent up suffering. Night after night, he wastes what little sleep he can manage on thoughts of Hijikata in a variety of positions, in various states of undress. Only flashes of his dreams surface again in the morning, and the lack of satisfaction coupled with the lack of actual sleep makes for one weary Gintoki. He can't even enjoy messing with the bastard like he used to. Now, even a glimpse of that uniform and those eyes is enough for him to turn tail and run. He's not scared, not at all. If anything, he's the opposite. He feels too unrestrained, too tempted, too antsy, filled with an urge to see where one wrong question can take him. By forcing himself away, he's saving himself from the trouble of opening his stupid mouth. It's self preservation really. </p><p>Shinpachi serves their customer his drink and greets him goodbye. As the man leaves for the exit, the door opens with the clinking of chimes. Gintoki heaves a sighed "Welcome," and gives a drained glance at the door. </p><p>In walks the harbinger of his demise, looking perfectly lax with a dark raincoat on, trailing water inside with every step, not having dried his shoes off on the welcome mat. Pale brown hair and carmine eyes greet him.  </p><p>"Ah, hello Danna." </p><p>Okita. That means- and there he is, blessedly outside, under the awning. With his back turned to the shop, Gintoki can only see his dark outline, smoke wafting in the moist air, a closed umbrella held in one hand. He's not wearing a raincoat, but he is wearing the Shinsengumi winter jacket, along with that blue scarf. Gintoki holds in an amused snort. So the stubborn man can learn. That's kind of.</p><p>Cute. </p><p>His eyes trail back to Okita. "Yo, Okita-kun." </p><p>Kagura's head snaps up, chewing paused momentarily.</p><p>Gintoki shares a troubled look with Shinpachi. The boy looks at Okita with a pleading face. Okita smiles that mocking smile of his, and Gintoki knows he smells blood in the air, too. </p><p>Kagura pops up from behind the counter, irritation in the lines of her face. Gintoki knows she's struggling with the need to just smash because her hands keep twitching. </p><p>They're at a stalemate for the moment, red eyes blank, blue eyes glaring. All is still, and then the jingling of the door as the other customer leaves signals the start of their inevitable altercation. </p><p>Kagura slams a hand down onto the counter, the baskets full of snacks, drinks, and miscellaneous items for purchase and advertisements jump with the force. "Ooh, thlimy astar! Uht uh ooh fwoing duhriping wahtuh eberyere!" She yells, crumbs flying out of her stuffed mouth with every word. </p><p>Okita turns an impressed look to Gintoki. "Oi, Danna. That's really incredible. I never thought I'd live to see the day when a pig came so close to mastering human speech. That's quite the accomplishment." </p><p>"Oohwa ooh gallin- gah!" She chokes, trying to talk and swallow the sandwich down at the same time. Gintoki absentmindedly strokes her back comfortingly as she hacks down the last bits of sandwich. She points her finger with a look of finality to her eye, brutally serious. "Who're you callin pig, you shitty Chihuahua?!" </p><p>"Oi, oi, Piglet-chan, didn't your owner ever teach you about manners? Yelling is one thing, but name calling? Danna, this customer service is absolutely appalling." He grabs a baggie of chocolate chip cookies from one of the baskets and carefully inspects it. "Mmm, I'm afraid I'm going to have to speak with the manager," his eyes flick up, Cheshire grin in place, "unless of course your piggy can apologize. And obviously I'd like my St*rb*cks order to be on the house." </p><p>"Oh, obviously." Gintoki parrots, sarcastic and blasé. </p><p>"You can speak with my fists, idiot! There ain't no manager here, isn't that right Gin-chan?! Go home and cry to your mommy if you're so bothered, you bastard! We don't serve wide eyed brats like you!" Kagura snarls, leaning in over the counter and flipping him off. </p><p>Okita flips her off right back, about to retort when Gintoki cuts in. With his bloodshot eyes and unnerving smile, even Okita pauses. "You know she's right actually, Soji-kun. We're not even getting paid, all we <em>have</em> to do is stand here and close the shop." </p><p>Okita nods to himself. "Ah, well in that case." He shrugs. "Let me help you out. I can close the shop." He offers. A second later his sword whips free from its sheathe, wicked tip an inch from Gintoki's face. The top part of the advertisement to the right of Kagura's face slowly slides to a freefall, clattering to the floor, sliced precisely in half. </p><p>"Permanently." </p><p>"WHY YOU LITTLE-" Kagura launches herself at him, or she tries to but Gintoki catches her waist and holds her back. </p><p>"O-ki-ta-kuuun, you better have the money to pay for that." Gintoki warns, brows creased in annoyance, struggling to keep Kagura under control. </p><p>"Kagura-chan, please! Calm down!" Shinpachi holds her shoulders, big brown eyes pleading. "Don't you see? This is what he wants! If you wreck this place any more than this, we'll be stuck here for another two weeks! Is that what you want?! Two more weeks of- <em>of customer service?"</em> He whispers, horrified. </p><p>"Ah!" Kagura gasps, stilling. "But- but...!" She looks from Gintoki to Shinpachi to Okita again and again, clearly weighing the options in her head. </p><p>The struggle to operate during rush hours or the joy of beating Okita's ass? </p><p>The lethargy that comes with every shift or the joy of beating Okita's ass? </p><p>The pain of dealing with shitty customers or the joy of beating Okita's ass? </p><p>Her face morphs into something with an edge of malice, and Gintoki realizes she's picking the wrong choice. He does something drastic then, something he only does in desperate times. He uses his Dad Voice. </p><p>"Ka-gu-raaa," he says sternly. The tinge of bloodlust leaves her face slowly. Royal blue eyes blink up at him and she pouts. </p><p>"Fine, Gin-chan. I won't beat him bloody, yes?"</p><p>Gintoki releases her, proud. He pats her head. "Good girl." </p><p>"This time." She hisses, venomous glare trained at Okita. </p><p>Gintoki shrugs. "I expect nothing less." He mutters to Shinpachi as Okita sheathes his sword. </p><p>"Ooh, you're real scary with that apron. Shouldn't you be making me a sandwich now Miss Piggy?" </p><p>"What'd you say to me, huh?! I'll kill you! I'll kill you, stupid sadist!" </p><p>"Okita-kun, please! Why don't you order something and then we can all just go about our business. Hijikata-san must be tired of waiting out there, right?" Shinpachi asks nervous, but benign. </p><p>At the mention of that bastard, Okita's eyes dart to him. </p><p>Uh oh. </p><p>"Yeah, you're right. That bastard wants a dark chocolate mocha latte-" </p><p>"Really?" The glasses wearer asks, amazed. "Hijikata-san?" </p><p>"The bastard likes dark chocolate." He shrugs. "It's as astringent as he is. And I'd like a venti vanilla espresso with nonfat milk, whipped cream, no foam, and seven Splendas. Six mixed in, and one sprinkled on top of the whipped cream to make it crunchy."</p><p>Shinpachi blinks. </p><p>And blinks. </p><p>And blinks. </p><p>"Hah?" </p><p>Okita also blinks. "Oi, Glasses. I expect this kind of slowness from those two, not you." </p><p>Kagura growls menacingly and Gintoki placates her by shoving a cookie in her mouth. </p><p>Shinpachi splutters. "Uh, but, Okita-kun. An espresso is basically coffee and foam, oi. You can't have no foam! It's, it's practically all foam! And why seven Splendas?" </p><p>"Ehh, the other coffee shop I've been to did no foam."</p><p>"You can't do a no foam espresso! An espresso is made of foam! And why seven Splendas?!" </p><p>"No, no I remember. I specifically asked for a no foam mocha latte-" </p><p>"Ah! See, you asked for a latte then. A latte and an espresso are two different things. Espressos always have foam but lattes can be customized." Shinpachi explains with a tired smile. </p><p>Okita makes a noise of understanding. "Well, then I'd like a venti vanilla espresso with nonfat milk, whipped cream, seven Splendas- with the last being on top of the whipped cream-" </p><p>"Right, right." Shinpachi nods as he writes the order down.</p><p>"-and make it no foam, okay?" </p><p>A sharp <em>snap</em> fills the abrupt silence as the pen breaks in Shinpachi's grip. Thick tension radiates from employee to customer. With a strength reserved for particularly annoying idiots and whipping the Tsuu Terakada fan club into shape, Shinpachi lunges towards Okita, hands slamming onto the counter. Eyes bulging and wild behind his glasses, Shinpachi screams, "Are you an idiot?! Are you an idiot?! You can't have no foam! Who do you think we are, magicians?! Wizards?! You think we can wave a magic wand and create something that doesn't exist?! Listen you little bippity boppity <em>bitch!-" </em>

</p><p>"Okay, okay," Gintoki says soothingly, catching him by the waist and pulling him back as he yells, "You. Are. Wrong! Customers are always WRONG...!" </p><p>Gintoki hands Shinpachi off to Kagura. He glares at Okita, who is staring at Shinpachi a little wide eyed but no less amused. He starts punching in numbers on the cash register. "Okita, you're getting a regular espresso and that's final-" </p><p>"-WHY ARE YOU OBSESSED WITH SEVEN PACKETS OF SPLENDA?! WHY SEVEN?! WHY SPLENDA?! WHY DO YOU WANT IT CRUNCHY, OI?!-" </p><p>"-and you're paying for that sign, alright? You're giving Gin-san a headache, brat. Keep it up and you'll be paying for the emotional damage you've caused us-"  </p><p>"-you <em>broke</em> Shinpachi, you bastard! I'll shove that Splenda right up your-" </p><p>"-Your total is 1570 yen and that sign will be an additional-" </p><p>"-100,000 YEN!" Shinpachi and Kagura scream together. </p><p>"<em>4000</em> yen." Gintoki corrects. Okita hands over the money with no fuss, radiating the kind of smug vibe that Gintoki himself is known to emit. What a bastard. </p><p>Regardless, as similar as they are, Okita is still a diaper wearing brat. Gintoki's got the wool pulled over his eyes this time. That sign will cost 2000 yen at most. That's at least two crisp bills for his wallet, hell yeah! </p><p>...</p><p>Is he lame? Is this not as sly as he thinks it is? Is he losing touch with his youth? </p><p>"Oh, and when you make Hijikata-san's drink, put a little bit of this in it, will you?" Okita pulls a baggie of....something out of his jacket. It's a dark substance, miasmic in nature, like irradiated carbon. It's reminiscent of Otae's cooking actually. "They're his... vitamins." </p><p>"...vitamins." Shinpachi repeats blankly. </p><p>Okita places the baggie into his hand. "Yes. For his....bo- lungs. His lungs. He smokes so much, you know?" </p><p>"This...this is clearly poison-" </p><p>"Vitamins." Okita interrupts him, reassuring in tone, paranoia inducing with his lack of expression. His deadpan stare sears into the boy's soul. "Vitamins." </p><p>"...okay." Shinpachi exchanges a wary look with Kagura and they hesitantly start making the drinks. Gintoki sees him surreptitiously tuck the baggie under the counter. </p><p>"Okita-kun," he drawls, drumming his fingers on the counter, "pay me under the table and I'll slip in the vitamins and accuse him of harassing innocent baristas." </p><p>"Oh? How's 300 yen sound?" </p><p>Muddy red eyes bore into carmine. "Not very original. Using my own line on me." </p><p>"I don't see the point of putting in the effort, Danna. You're clearly leading me on. Messing with that bastard is the last thing you want to do." </p><p>Gintoki stiffens, just slightly, but it's enough for Okita's perceptive eyes. He grins, akin to a shark circling its prey. He leans over the counter and lowers his voice. "I know those bloodshot eyes, Danna. I know how to get rid of them." </p><p>Gintoki squints at him warily. Okita nods his head to a booth out of view from the counter. </p><p>Whatever Okita's offering will most definitely backfire on him. Without a doubt. But he can't deny his curiosity. </p><p>Or his desperation. </p><p>He follows Okita to the booth and they settle in on opposite sides. The wooden table is sticky with the remnants of past beverages, scrunched up straw wrappers, and used napkins. Disgusting. Who's even in charge of clean up around here? </p><p>
  <em>Ohhh, right. Me.</em>
</p><p>Outside the window the rain has picked up again, gentle but falling at a steady pace. So soft he can hardly hear it splattering against the roof. Children are splashing about in small puddles, giggling and playing in the street. The water droplets roll down the glass pane serenely and blurs the images of Edo's residents walking past, unperturbed. Okita laces his fingers together and perches his chin to rest on top of them. He looks distinctly out of place in such a calm environment. </p><p>"So. Danna. You've found yourself attracted to your town's Local Nightmare." </p><p>Gintoki snorts. "Local Nightmare, huh? You can say that again. That guy's giving Gin-san one heinous dream after another." </p><p>"Each and every night, right? Toss and turn. Wake up feeling irritated and exhausted.<br/>
Your mind drifts with thoughts of him. You're hyper aware of everything he does. To fall asleep you murder him in your head a few times-" </p><p>"Oi, that last one is just you. Don't rope Gin-san into your naughty play." He sighs, slumping back against the booth. </p><p>"You would be the first to describe it like that." Okita says lightly. "Anyways, from the look of those bags under your eyes it seems like you've already passed casual admirer. I'd say if you're not careful you'll fly full throttle into Gorilla territory." </p><p>Gintoki scoffs. "Please, Gin-san doesn't have the stalker gene. And I know my stalkers, alright? I have one and she's a depraved mess. Gin-san still has standards and they start with 'Ketsu' and end with 'no Ana'." </p><p>Carmine eyes gaze at him for a moment, calm, collected, and dissecting. "So what you're saying is you're going to stalk a well known and beloved news reporter?" Okita stands up, taking out a pair of handcuffs. "Alright, hands up." </p><p>"Oi!" He hisses. "You're going to play the good cop now? Don't twist Gin-san's words! Sit, sit down." He urges. "I'm saying, if I were to stalk anyone, it would be the love of my life, not some asshole who just so happens to be..." Hijikata's face flashes through his mind, scowl and all. His head falls into his palm with a despondent thump and he regretfully exhales out, "...strikingly attractive." </p><p>Okita whistles slowly. "You've got it bad. Annoying as all hell, isn't it?" </p><p>Gintoki raises a brow. "You sound like you speak from personal experience, Okita-kun." </p><p>The sadist grins slightly, but it's a bitter thing. Gintoki feels like he's walking on a precarious line here and one wrong step could have him skewered. "I've been watching him my whole life. I know exactly what kind of effect he has on people." </p><p>His mind flips through images, to another pair of carmine eyes and sandy hair, to spiky brown hair and a goatee, to the countless coy women and forward men Okita has probably witnessed being enchanted by a demon. But despite how quickly Hijikata can capture someone's attention and how thoroughly he can keep it, Gintoki thinks, there is probably no one who is more resentfully captivated by him than the young man in front of him. </p><p>And then he thinks maybe let's just leave that thought alone. </p><p>"Alright Okita-kun. You're the expert. How do I get over this?" </p><p>"Kill him." </p><p>"...." </p><p>"I would recommend a simple, clean slice to the throat since you're not really one for theatrics." </p><p>"...."</p><p>"Then again, who doesn't love a bit of gore every now and then? I can leave the doors to his room unlocked, but you'll have to sneak past our guards yourself. Hijikata-san is a light sleeper and tends to favor his sword next to him, but you can be a pretty quiet guy, so I'm sure you'll figure something out."</p><p>"...."</p><p>"You can hide in his closet. I got this extra panel installed, sort of made it an invisible room. May be kinda cramped for you, but you can make it work."</p><p>"....."</p><p>"There's no need to be shy, Danna. I'll help you cover your tracks." The psycho smirks dangerously, "Between the two of us, Hijikata-san will never see it coming." </p><p>Gintoki's eye twitches as he stares inscrutably across the table. "Oi. Is this entrapment?" </p><p>"It's more like a passionate suggestion."</p><p>He scoffs and slaps lightly at the table. He wags his finger at Okita. "Nuh uh, kid. A passionate suggestion is like a bribe without the money, and Gin-san deals in paper only." </p><p>"Bribery? Me?" Okita asks, carmine eyes wide and innocent. "No, I was only trying to offer a more final solution for your problem. Besides," He adds slyly, "I would never leave a money trail, Danna." </p><p>"Nope, no trail of money. Just a trail of blood, huh?" </p><p>The sadist smirks. "A blood soaked path is the samurai way." </p><p>He smiles wryly. "Blood soaked, huh. Sounds like a lot of work to me. Got any other suggestions? Perhaps, within the realms of legality?" </p><p>"You'll like this one. It's basically sexually harassing your own dick." </p><p>Dead fish eyes grow more dead. "Oi, oi, all this for something Gin-san's already done? Masturbation? That's your big plan?" </p><p>Surprise settles on Okita's face. "Heh? You've already done it and you still look this shitty?" </p><p>"Oi! Who looks shitty?! This is authentic Gin-san!" </p><p>"You're that desperate, Danna?" Okita continues, the fake concern unable to mask the mirth in his voice. "You're that pent up? I guess such is the life of an unpopular man." </p><p>"Gin-san is plenty popular! He's in a dry spell! A dry spell! Caused by that demon vice commander of yours." He grabs Okita by the shoulder and pulls him closer. His voice takes on a frantic edge as he implores, "You'll help Gin-san, right? You said you could fix it, right? You won't leave Gin-san to suffer, right?" </p><p>Okita blinks at him.</p><p>Suffer. </p><p>Oh. </p><p>He shouldn't have said suffer. There's nothing the prince of sadism loves more than to watch others suffer, even kindred spirits like himself. </p><p>Gintoki releases him and turns in the direction of the front counter. "C-coming, Kagura!" </p><p>He gets up to leave when a hand slams down on his shoulder, rooting him to his seat. Gintoki hesitantly looks back at him and is greeted by the sight of a too wide smile and soulless eyes. </p><p>"Danna, where are you going? I didn't hear anything, what's the rush? You and I are friends right? Of course I'll help a friend out. In fact, I know just what you need." </p><p>Reluctantly, Gintoki stays seated as Okita unzips his raincoat and reaches inside his uniform jacket. </p><p>Bomb, his mind supplies dully. Bomb. </p><p>But instead, when Okita pulls his hand out, what he sees is not a bomb but.....photographs? </p><p>Okita smirks and hands him the photos. "Can a one man session really be satisfactory without some inspiration?" </p><p>Oh damn. </p><p>The first photograph seems official looking, taken from the chest up. Hijikata is in uniform, facing the camera, expressionless but absolutely striking. The lighting in the shot really makes the blue of his eyes and the tinge of pink in his cheeks pop. The second photograph is of him in his off duty yukata, and it's a full body shot. It seems to have been taken in the afternoon, as the sun shines brightly on him. He's in the middle of lighting up a cigarette, not at all paying attention to his surroundings, standing a few yards in front of a dango vendor. His yukata is arranged loosely on him, the soft skin of his chest, a hint of a pink nipple, his glossy head of hair, all illuminated by the sun. For whatever reason, the delicate bones of his forearms and ankles especially catch Gintoki's attention. The third picture is- whoa! </p><p>"He had long hair?!" Gintoki gapes, catching Okita's eyes. </p><p>"Yup. Up until a couple years ago actually." </p><p>Gintoki looks back to the photo. It's clearly more aged than the others, as Hijikata is definitely an older teenager here, maybe even in his early, early twenties. He's standing in a grassy field and looking back at the camera over his shoulder, in the middle of speaking to the person behind the lens. His brows are furrowed, his eyelashes are long, and his lips are flush with color. His black hair is long and loose, flowing behind him. It's choppy and layered, like he haphazardly cut it himself, but instead of being ugly it looks rather pretty and fitting for his face. </p><p>"A couple years ago, huh? What made him cut it?" </p><p>"Mmm, actually I'm the one who cut it. Believe it or not- totally an accident. Some Joui had grabbed him by the hair and without thinking I just-" Okita makes a slicing motion with his hand. He shrugs. "The rest of the barracks was angrier about it than he was though." </p><p>Gintoki murmurs, "Yeah, I can see why."</p><p>He takes one last look before slipping that photo to the back of the pile. The next one is- holy shit?! Gintoki's jaw drops. This one is more shocking than the previous one!</p><p>
  <em>What the fuck is this? This can't be real, can it? </em>
</p><p>In his hand is a photo of one Hijikata Toshirou, demon vice commander extraordinaire, buzzkill of legendary proportions, on a beach, in a wetsuit, holding a damn surfboard in one arm, wet, tempting, and looking hot as <em>sin. </em>

</p><p>What the fuck. </p><p>He looks at Okita disbelievingly. "You photoshopped this, right?" </p><p>"Not even a little." </p><p>What the fuck. </p><p>He looks, <em>shit</em>, so damn sexy that Gintoki's pants tighten, just a bit. He can't believe it but the wetsuit is somehow more alluring than bare naked skin. The dark, long sleeved wetsuit top really accentuates his small waist and slim hips, while also drawing attention to his flatly defined chest and toned arms. To go with that is a pair of, unbelievably, tiny shorts, reaching his upper thighs in length. A bright ocean blue instead of black though, and his legs are toned and graceful. He absolutely glows, flushed from exertion, glistening in the sunlight, water droplets sparkling on his skin and hair. His other hand is pushing wet hair from his forehead, and there's an attractive smirk on his face, as bright as the blue of his eyes. </p><p>Oh <em>god</em> does Gintoki <em>want</em>. He wants to lick the water off that warm, smooth skin. He wants to tug that wet hair back and leave possessive bite marks all above the collar of his top. He wants to kiss that pouty mouth and taste the ocean on his tongue. He wants to feel long, strong legs wrapped around his waist and slim fingers curled into his hair. He wants to shove the beautiful man behind some beachside restaurant, bend him over, yank his shorts down- </p><p>"I took that picture on his birthday last year." </p><p>"...n-no kidding?" He chuckles, throat dry. "I can't believe that bastard uses my tax money for lush birthday vacations." </p><p>"Nah, that wasn't his idea, although it was definitely his fault." Okita says, leaning back into his seat, eyes trained somewhere far away. "See, despite Kondo-san's insistence, that bastard refused to take his birthday off. So he let it go. And then a couple weeks later, Kondo-san abducted him and we road tripped it to the beach. We were at this fancy resort for about three days...it was pretty fun." </p><p>Okita being candid? Oh wow, the kid really does like him.</p><p>Gintoki smiles at him. "Certainly sounds that way. But this?" He waves the photo around. "It'd be easier to believe the guy suddenly started hating his precious mayo."</p><p>Okita leans in. "Wanna know the worst part? He's annoyingly good at it." </p><p>He huffs. "Of course he is." He continues in a know-it-all kind of tone," Competitive bastards like him don't stop until they're perfect, you know." </p><p>Okita nods sagely. "It's the shameless ambition in him." </p><p>Gintoki whistles slowly as he goes back to leering at the photo. "And to think I used to believe he was a prude. Have you <em>seen</em> the way he wears a yukata? Shameless is right." </p><p>"Tell me about it. You should see him at festivals. If we're wearing fundoshi, he'll wear a jinbei completely bare, no wrappings. Just knotted up to his sternum." </p><p>The image pops into his mind with a passion. Long legs bared, ass exposed, showing off his slim and toned abdomen....</p><p>"Is that the next one?" He mutters fervently, whipping out the next photograph. </p><p>
  <em>Please be the next picture. </em>
</p><p>Okita's reply goes through one ear and out the other as he stares at the last photograph. His breath catches. The edges of his world blur, the only point of focus zeroed down into the photo in his hand.  </p><p>And then, Okita fingers the photo over to catch a glimpse of it from behind and yanks it out of his grasp in seconds. Gintoki blinks down at his hand before he looks across the table. Okita is tucking that photo away in a different pocket. He looks out the window, carefully blank, as he says, "That...is not part of the collection." </p><p>"Collection?" Gintoki repeats dumbly. </p><p>"Each set comes with five photos, and there are three different collections. Each collection gets two different sets." He states matter of factly. Okita rummages around in his jacket and pulls out another photograph. "This is the last photo in the Elementary Collection, Set Two." </p><p>He hands over the last photo and Gintoki takes it without realizing, mind still stuck on the previous picture. Slowly, his concentration limps back to him and he takes in the photograph. It's of Hijikata looking picturesque in low lighting, sitting under a kotatsu, an open book placed in front of him. There's a cigarette resting between his fingers and his other hand is flipping the page of the novel. He's in winter wear, his typical yukata lays loose and open and a patterned haori hangs off his elbows, plus a thin blanket is piled around his waist. Despite the close angle of the photo, he seems unaware of the camera, focused solely on the novel, intrigue painting his face with a raised eyebrow and parted lips. </p><p>He didn't know that Hijikata likes to read. For some reason that strikes him as even stranger than learning Hijikata can surf. He's just never seen the man look so….cozy before. So unguarded. So. </p><p>Relaxed. </p><p>It's a beautiful sight. </p><p>"Like it, Danna?" </p><p>Dark eyes flick up to catch a probing gaze. He gives a half shrug, his face impassive. "Of course, the reason why I'm here right? Gin-san can admit to his beauty. In fact, these will do very nicely for some one on one times." He gathers the photos up and gives Okita a mocking salute. "Thanks for your services, Soji-" </p><p>He's interrupted by the <em>shing</em> of an unsheathed sword and the glint of a sharp blade blocking his exit from the booth. Gintoki frowns in annoyance. "What is it with you officers and pointy objects?" He mutters.</p><p>"Services are paid for, Danna." Okita informs him, casually threatening. "That set is worth 5000 yen." </p><p>"5000 yen?! Gin-san didn't even know you were selling these, oi!" </p><p>"Naturally. Didn't you hear me say these were part of a collection?" </p><p>Gintoki pauses. "Thought it was your personal collection." </p><p>Okita stares at him for a moment before he says, "Gross, no. Not at all." Okita sheathes his sword and Gintoki tactfully decides not to bring up the photo that had been ripped from his grasp with an almost desperate haste and carefully tucked away. The young sadist continues, "I discovered long ago that there's a large market for pictures of that bastard, and well, with 24/7 access to him, who better than me to fill that demand?" </p><p>"Quite the eye for entrepreneurship there, Okita-kun. Gin-san is impressed." He grins at Okita, suddenly exuding an air of affability and admiration. "Impressed but not surprised. No, not at all, no sirree. People always say it's that Mayora freak that's the brains behind the operation, but I always knew that inside that coconut head of yours was a mind far beyond its years. Yes, uh-huh." Gintoki nods and strokes his chin. "Expert swordsman, supreme sadist, and a successful businessman? Why, Okita-kun," He pats the faintly amused looking sadist on the shoulder, "you've been holding out on me! Share your secrets, huh? Share your knowledge with dear old Gin-san, eh? You're a real leader in this field, ah? Why you probably make so much money off these photos you wouldn't even notice if one set went unpaid for right? Probably wouldn't make a dent in your bank account, eh? Probably wouldn't-" </p><p>"Danna." The Business Bitch interrupts. "No amount of fake flattery will get you a free set." </p><p>"What about a discount?" He asks quickly, friendly attitude dropping like a stone. </p><p>"A discount for the cheapest option I even offer?" Okita shakes his head in pity. "What an irresponsible man, doesn't even carry 5000 yen on him." </p><p>"It's not irresponsible, it's called being poor! Gin-san's working a job he doesn't even get paid for! Come on, Okita-kuuuuuun. What's a few photos between friends?" He wheedles. </p><p>"Danna, I'm running a business here. I've got a reputation. No handouts." Okita tries tugging the photos out of his grasp but he holds on that much tighter. </p><p>"Okay, what about business partners, huh? Let's strike a deal!" Gintoki plasters a smile onto his face through gritted teeth and tugs back.</p><p>"Pass." Okita tugs harder, but still they won't leave Gintoki's tense hold. "If you rip my merch you'll owe me anyway to replace it." </p><p>"Come on, Souichirou-kun. Give Gin-san a break here! I haven't had a good night's sleep in two weeks and it's your fault! Take responsibility!" </p><p>"Aren't you too old to be this horny? Does your stick shift even work anymore?" </p><p>"Why does everyone keep saying that?! Gin-san has the heart of a child!"</p><p>"Then you really don't need these, do you?- "</p><p>"But the mind of an adult! The mind of an adult! And the body of a <em>god</em>, dammit!" He adds. "Come on," he whines, "what do you want from me? I'll trade you..." Faces flash through his mind before he decisively settles on, "...Catherine?" </p><p>Plain disgust rolls onto Okita's face. "You're propositioning me with an ugly cat thief? </p><p>"Listen," Gintoki says seriously, "it's her or the old hag." </p><p>Okita remains unimpressed. "Pass." He successfully manages to tug the photos out of the perm's grasp. As he tucks them away and stands up, Gintoki scrambles desperately for some other way to keep those pictures. "Ah, Okita wait-" </p><p>"Danna," the boy interrupts, looking down on Gintoki in every way possible, "this is a level of pathetic even <em>I</em> don't want to see." </p><p>There's a slam on the counter that echoes through the shop. Is that the sound of a tray being forcefully set down or the sound of his pride shattering? </p><p>Kagura calls out, "Ugly Chihuahua, your order is ready! I said Ugly Smelly Chihuahua with No Friends and Chicken Legs, your order is ready!" </p><p>Okita's eyes narrow in her direction. He steps out of the booth and passes by him towards the counter. "Oi-" </p><p>"Why would you do it, Okita-kun? Why? You knew Gin-san could never afford such extravagant prices." Gintoki turns to Okita, a broken man, devoid of hope. He clutches at Okita's jacket. "Why would you show a man a glimpse of the light…just to shroud him in darkness again!" </p><p>Okita pauses. Then he peels Gintoki's hand away and smiles. The horns creeping out of his hair as he turns and walks away is answer enough.  </p><p><em>Devil child</em>, Gintoki curses viciously.</p><p>He sighs, staring down at the dirty table. Well, at least he'd seen those photos. He'd gotten a sneak preview of sorts. His imagination isn't terrible, he can certainly cook up something fun to go with those memories. He hopes. God, he hopes. </p><p>He's tired, dammit. </p><p> </p><p>         				            	**************</p><p>Gintoki walks down the street in a leisurely crawl towards the bar Hasegawa invited him to. The evening sun glows faintly on his  surroundings, the first week of March bringing life back into Edo. Dry, frozen, and lifeless greenery is slowly blooming again, little patches of weeds and flowers cropping up along the sidewalk. Gnarled trees are budding with new life, shrubs are shedding their winter frost. The sky is the nicest it's been all week, having settled into a cool pale blue, with a few fluffy clouds and a warm sun. It's temperate enough that Gintoki forgoes a jacket and simply wears his yukata the correct way for once, and the brisk breeze is pleasant on his face. Its one of his favorite times of the year, when spring arrives to wipe away the lonely gloom of winter. It's not like he doesn't enjoy the occasional romp in the snow and drinking hot chocolates under the kotatsu with his kids, the cheerful atmosphere of twinkling lights and rosy cheeks, the familiar warmth of staying inside and spending time idling the day away with his loved ones near, the delicate, almost haunting beauty of crystallized trees and snowy fields, but there's something about seeing the world thaw out that he likes even more. </p><p>Whatever it is, it's certainly put him in a good mood. The promise of free booze also definitely puts a little pep in his step. And for the past couple of weeks he's been able to achieve relatively undisturbed sleep, and a distinct lack of unsatisfactory masturbation. Okita-kun could truly be a godsend at times, even when he was trying to be the opposite. Seeing those photos had replenished his very soul it seemed like, every slide of his hand accompanied by a crystal clear image of Hijikata doing something or wearing something or saying something he hadn't been able to see before. </p><p>No longer did Hijikata stamp, sign, and seal every thought that drifted through his head. No longer did everything in his line of sight, living or not, remind him of blue eyes, black hair, and a pouty mouth. Now when he thinks of Hijikata, he thinks of the normal associations with him, like cigarettes and mayonnaise and a testy attitude. He saw Hijikata just a couple days ago and immediately veered in his direction, eager to taunt, and not once did he slip up and think 'one step closer and you can shove your tongue down his throat'. </p><p>He's fucking cured! Sure, he's still attracted to the man, but it's fizzled out into something casual, completely removed from their typical adversarial relationship, and Gintoki couldn't be happier. To think, all he needed was a little inspiration to screw his head on straight again. </p><p>Well.</p><p>Maybe it wasn't so much the images themselves that helped him, as it was being able to talk to someone, to normalize, to rationalize his newfound strong desire. So what if Gintoki is attracted to Hijikata Toshirou, bratty bastard extraordinaire. So is everyone else! It's great! It's like finding a celebrity attractive, he's just open game, a unanimous public opinion, an amalgamation of ideas and encounters that Gintoki sometimes jerks off to. </p><p>No big deal. </p><p>Gintoki stops at a crosswalk, waiting for the crossing signal. Cutting across the road and through the park is the quickest way to this particular bar. The little walking man sign lights up and Gintoki crosses with the other pedestrians. The nicer weather has brought many people out of their homes. It's a bit busy, children playing, adults relaxing, teens finding ways to entertain themselves. As he strolls through the park along the paved path, he spies a familiar looking silhouette. </p><p>Speak of the demon. </p><p>He finds himself halting, staring at the lone, smoking man sitting on a bench. At this angle, Gintoki can only see his side profile, the outline of his long bangs, the straight slope of his nose, the curve of his lips, the ruffled lines of his clothes. He's wearing his casual dark blue yukata, but no jacket. Interesting considering how badly he deals with cold weather. Gintoki peers a little closer and when Hijikata shifts to cross his knee over the other, he sees the black mock-neck worn under his yukata. Gintoki chuckles. He really did learn, didn't he? </p><p>Hijikata is looking at nothing in particular, he realizes. Just up at the sky or down by the small pond several yards ahead of him, socked foot jiggling. Just...watching time pass, he supposes. </p><p>Gintoki smirks. What a lazy bastard. </p><p>His feet move before he realizes, silent on crunchy, dry grass. He opens his mouth to call out to the other man, when he sees Hijikata's expression shift. Gintoki rubs at his eyes, but the vision before him does not fade. That, that right there, the soft upward lift of the corner of his mouth, can be indicative of only one thing. </p><p>Hijikata is smiling. </p><p>And Gintoki is thrown for a loop. He doesn't realize he's staring until he's startled by the sound of a quack. Gintoki's hand goes to his bokuto as he whips his gaze towards the pond, and there waddling towards it is a family of ducks. Brown feathers, white faces, yellow spots on the beaks, a mother and her ten or so kids making good on the weather, eager to splash about he's sure. And shockingly, Hijikata seems to be smiling… at them. </p><p>He's distinctly reminded of the other time he'd seen Hijikata's smiling face. The only time he'd ever seen it, before now. In that photo, the one that Okita had ripped from his grasp. A candle lit cupcake is placed in front of the birthday boy, the small flame lighting up the gentle smile on his face, cradled by his palm. Sky blue eyes look up at the camera through heavy lashes, happy. Blushing. </p><p>Breathtaking. </p><p>Abruptly, Gintoki walks back to the paved path, intent on making his way to the bar. Wouldn't want to be late after all. Never mind the fact that Hasegawa always arrives at the bar an hour after he says they should meet, because Gintoki is always, undoubtedly, late. He's in such a good mood, what's the point in wasting his time exchanging barbs with the loser of the Shinsengumi? Besides, it's such a nice day out. Everyone is entitled to enjoying the shift in weather, even touchy vice commanders. Touchy vice commanders who apparently smile softly at ducklings. </p><p>As Gintoki walks a little brisker towards the park's exit, he idly thinks of the last time he went to get a health check up from a physician. Was it the last time he'd checked into a hospital for ass-kicking related reasons? Probably. He'd healed up just fine though, he always does. All his tests came back normal. Sure the doc had been a little concerned about his glucose levels, insisted he partake in a low carb diet, (as if he has the money to invest in high protein filled meats), and make time for daily cardio exercise, (like his weekly take downs weren't enough?), but Gintoki feels perfectly fine bordering on prediabetes. As far as he's aware, it doesn't lead to any warning signs like heart palpitations, sudden sweats, or feeling feverish. So why does he feel those symptoms all of a sudden? Should he be concerned? Should he consult a doctor? Should he go on that low carb, daily cardio diet? What other reason could there be for the weird thumping sensation in his chest, the pounding beat in his ears, the sweat gathering in his armpits, and the nape of his neck feeling uncomfortably hot? </p><p>Maybe he should start that diet right now. Yeah! No time like the present, that's what he always says! </p><p>Gintoki bursts into a sprint, startling the serene park goers. The wind rushes past him, cold but unrefreshing, not enough to calm his head. His boots pound into the hard pavement, the rhythmic thudding echoing the harsh beating of his heart. </p><p>Maybe, if he runs fast enough, he can leave behind the image of upturned lips and gentle blue eyes.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Alrighty, I hope y'all liked it! We're getting at least one more chapter of build up from Gintoki's side before we move back to the present timeline. Can you tell how crazy I am for Toshi? </p><p>The scene where Sougo makes Gintoki realize Toshi is hot was inspired by the scene in That 70's Show where Hyde makes Eric realize Jackie is hot! And was really the scene that spawned this whole chapter.</p><p>Also, Shinpachi screaming at Sougo was truly me living vicariously through him. Customers are dumb and if I could I'd be slapping bitches left and right lol. Also the bippity boppity bitch line, once I thought of it I had to include it but I didn't know who would really say that, you know? And then I was like, well you know who deserves to say it? Shinpachi, my favorite pair of glasses who has to deal with everyone's shit. The boy deserves the world and more!</p><p>Also, if anyone is curious- the collections are the Elementary Collection (5000 yen), the Junior Collection (7500 yen), and the High Collection (10000 yen), for the levels of schooling in Japan. Sort of represents how risque the photos will be. However! Sougo doesn't actually sell any really risque photos of Toshi, he just sells the two Elementary sets and tells people its the High or Junior Collection lol. I came up with the photo HC with a friend of mine years ago and then I was like wait minute, Sougo actually does carry photos of Toshi around, remember that bathroom episode?? So its kind of nice to see that work out lol. Also, I know that surfing HC is like totally out there but can you just picture it? SO HOT. I've got this whole birthday idea surrounding it lol. </p><p>Also, I'm not sure if I really managed to convey everything I wanted to, like feelings wise, but I liked the way it turned out and hopefully you do too! </p><p>Leave a comment or a kudos if you want! :) Byyyyyyyye!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. The Middle Part One</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I did it! I did it! I told myself I was going to update sometime in January and I fucking did! Yeah! Now that being said-</p><p>This is only half a chapter lmao. Listen, listen. When I tell you it was a fucking struggle to write this shit....TWAS A STRUGGLE. lol. I was not feeling it at alllllll. The voices weren't there, the dialogue, as always, was fucking murdering me in an alley somewhere, plus I'm a procrastinator lol. But here we are! I got something out! Is it any good? ....I mean I kinda like it lol. Anyways, I just wanna say, scaredbutaroused, if you're still out there lol, I dedicate this half to you because when you left that second comment is when I really started trying to write again. So thanks for the motivation, I hope you like it! Also, thanks to everyone who left comments! Always makes me :)</p><p>So there's no real continuity to this aside from the literal passing of days, its just a collection of moments where Gintoki falls deeper for Toshi basically. Also, again, this is only half the chapter so at the end its gonna feel unfinished but like I figured rather than waiting to finish the whole thing and dumping like 23k words in one post, I'd just split it in (what I assume will be) half. I mean if y'all like monster sized chapters let me know but otherwise I figured a "quicker" update would be better. </p><p>Okay, okay, without further ado please enjoy half a chapter lol.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>Mid March</strong>
</p><p>"On your right, on your right!" Gintoki calls out as his bokken sweeps through a wall of rebels, toppling them like dominoes. </p><p>"Who the hell are you givin' warnings to, bastard?!" Hijikata berates as his swing is blocked by a sword just barely brought up in time, all thanks to Gintoki. The Joui aims an astounded grin at him past Hijikata's glowering face, "Thanks Nii-san!" </p><p>"Don't you thank him, dumbass!" Hijikata stomps on the rebel's foot and twists the flat of his blade up and smashes it into his nose. He crumples to the floor as Hijikata twirls around to deal with the next opponent, eyes like cold fire. "What the fuck was that Yorozuya!" </p><p>Gintoki jumps over a leg sweep and parries a thrust before knocking another Joui aside. He grins lazily and says, "What? <em>You</em> don't need Gin-san's help, but maybe the little guy does, right? Can't handle the extra heat?" </p><p>Hijikata's scoff echoes through the expansive, metallic floor. The abandoned steel warehouse serves as a secret hideout for the rebels. Or at least it did, before the Shinsengumi discovered their whereabouts at the edges of town and decided to raid the place, intent on arresting the treasonous and claiming the stolen and smuggled Amanto weapons. If Gintoki had known there was going to be a raid taking place, he definitely wouldn't have brought the kids along for this job. They were only meant to be searching for an old locket that might've been left here when the warehouse was still operating some thirty years ago. He'd actually heard the sounds of swords clashing and spied the discreetly parked Shinsengumi vehicles while still outside. He was going to turn back but then the wall had been blown apart in front of them and a piece of rubble smacked Kagura in the face and to the ground. His heart had stopped for a moment but then she leapt up, as angry as a bull seeing red. </p><p>Or in this case, carmine, to be exact. </p><p>As she darted through the wrecked building, chasing Okita with a single minded rage, Gintoki could only sigh as he and Shinpachi headed in after her, throwing themselves into the familiar heat of battle. </p><p>"Why don't you take a seat on that conveyor belt over there and I'll show you how a <em>real</em> samurai fights." Hijikata taunts before disarming two rebels and stabbing a third. </p><p>"Ooh, very impressive." Gintoki mocks, slamming his foot into someone's stomach and slashing another. Gintoki claps his hands once, twice, thrice, and faces him, muddy red on clear blue, smirking. "Now get on your knees and beg me real pretty-like for your treat." </p><p>Hijikata's face sours as he turns red with blistering anger. Ah shit, why's he gotta look so damn good when he's all flushed and furious like that. It isn't possible for Hijikata to get any prettier, but every time he blushes it's like Gintoki starts seeing things through rose colored glasses. Maybe that's why he doesn't really notice when Hijikata flips a rebel over his shoulder and launches him directly at Gintoki until he's being smacked into the wall from the force of it. </p><p>On the upside, Gintoki thinks as he slowly pushes the dead weight off him, rising to his knees, the concussion he now suffers has thoroughly torn him out of that tunnel vision mindset of 'Hijikata is pretty' and into the more pressing mindset of 'Hijikata is <em>petty'.</em> He stands, meeting Hijikata's smirking face with an irate glare. </p><p>"What was that about my knees?" </p><p>"Wow, Vice Commander-kuuun." He drawls lazily, eyes glinting. "Able to use anything as a weapon, that's the samurai of the new age for you." </p><p>Gintoki grabs the knocked out or possibly dead rebel by the legs and walks forward, the dead weight dragging behind him. Hijikata tenses but stubbornly stays put, eyes glaring and suspicious. As he comes to a halt a few feet from the other man, he heaves the body behind his shoulder, still dangling by the legs. </p><p>"Oi, why don't you show me how that goes again? It's a little something like this, right?" </p><p>With one strong swing he lifts the rebel down and out like a baseball bat, his head connecting with a dead bomb on the floor between them with a thud. The bomb flies upward, arcing far past Hijikata and hitting the railing of the sky bridge that connects the two metallic staircases on opposite sides of the warehouse. It explodes with enough force to smoke up the ceiling and rattle the bridge, part of the railing destroyed. </p><p>Hijikata looks up at it with an unimpressed frown, "Nice aim, jerk- ah!" He ducks hastily, the rebel's body flying just above him and crashing to the floor. The vice commander scowls at him. "Asshole." He hisses. </p><p>"Right back at ya, prettyboy." </p><p>Hijikata clicks his tongue. "Stop calling me that." He absentmindedly cuts down another Jouishishi coming at him from behind. He hadn't looked, but Gintoki isn't impressed. After all, the guy had been screaming "Die, Shinsengumi scum!"  </p><p>"Why don't you tell <em>him</em> to die, huh?" Hijikata asks the dead man. Hijikata looks around but there are no more Jouishishi left to fight them. Well, none in <em>their</em> area. </p><p>They were cornered towards the back of the warehouse, slightly hidden by pipe work sprouting out of the floor and bits and bobs of machinery. The fight is still ongoing, in the dim lighting he sees flashes of black and gold uniforms and the cheap fabric of raggedy yukatas. Explosions jolt through the building every so often. The clashing of swords and the shouting of men echo throughout the warehouse. Gintoki also spots a small fire towards the northeast side. The south entrance staircase is just ahead of them. </p><p>Blue eyes pin him with an annoyed gaze. "Why are you even here, bastard? Don't the bars open early just for people like you?" </p><p>"What are you trying to imply, Mayora? Is that a baseless accusation I hear?" </p><p>"Well, if you're irresponsible enough to bring children to a raid..." Hijikata trails off knowingly, the curve of his mouth bitingly judgemental.</p><p>Irritation burrows deep under his skin. "Oh yeah, like Gin-san woke up this morning and thought to himself, 'hmmm, how can I endanger the children in my care? Let them ride my scooter without a helmet? Buy them alcoholic drinks? Bring them to a Shinsengumi raid? Oh, that's the one!'" He snaps. </p><p>Now Kagura, he is sure is fine. She could get hit by a train and come up the winner. Shinpachi, he trusts, but he's slightly more worried about. Still, he'd lost the boy when they'd been fighting together with the Gorilla, so he's a bit more reassured of his safety.  </p><p>Hijikata's face softens, just a tad. He frowns. "So why are you here?" </p><p>"Why do you think, huh? Obviously, I've got a job." </p><p>"Why would <em>that</em> be obvious?" Hijikata asks as he starts walking towards the staircase.</p><p>"Would you quit implying that Gin-san is some mere drunk freeloader?" Gintoki follows him up the stairs, watching slim hips sway. Damn that too long jacket, it hides the goods from him. "He works harder than these dogs of yours, you know. Then again, crossing guards have it harder than your lot, so I guess that's not saying much." </p><p>"You ass!" Hijikata snaps and turns towards him, one hand still on the rail. "Shut the hell up before I push you down these stairs!" </p><p>"And here we go again." He says offhandedly. He digs out a coin from his pocket and holds it up. "Hijikata-kun, open that pretty mouth a little wider, will you? 300 yen should get Gin-san a better response, yeah?" He asks, nonchalant as he skims his other hand over the officer's uniformed chest, relishing in the way it seems to jump at his touch. </p><p>Hijikata seems to be in a state of shock, mouth agape and eyes wide. Gintoki, opportunistic bastard that he is, takes advantage of his statue-like state and balances the coin on his full lower lip, thumb just brushing the soft, plump flesh of his upper lip. He slips his other hand beneath the tough, thick material of his uniform jacket and over his vest. His fingers graze gently over the other's pectoral muscle, across a nipple. "Now if Gin-san just twists this knob here," he recites, as if reading an instruction manual, "Hijikata-kun should surely give out a nicer respo- <em>pffft!"</em> Gintoki spews, blood spurting in a frenzy from his mouth and nose at the force of Hijikata's palm striking him. His head bounces off the handrail and he tumbles down the steps onto the landing in a pained heap. </p><p>Gintoki looks up, one hand trying to stem the flow of blood from his smarting face. His cheek throbs in time with Hijikata's heavy, clinking footsteps down the stairs. His eyes seem to glow in his rage, face shadowed with violent intentions. "Get back here, you pervert. I should've arrested you for sexual harassment weeks ago!" </p><p>Gintoki laughs nervously around the blood pooling in his mouth, hastily backing up until his back hits the railing. "No, no, no, Hijikata-kun, you've got it all wrong! Gin-san was merely trying to help you! That tough attitude isn't appealing to all citizens, you know? Gin-san thought he could soften your way of speaking a bit, give you a nicer image." He insists, laughing awkwardly. </p><p>"By treating me like a goddamn Gashapon machine?! You go to pachinko parlors so often your first instinct is to insert and twist?! You useless creep!" He thunders, skipping the last step and landing with a boom. The landing jumps underneath him, rattling against his back and through his bones, everything shaking except the demon he foolishly summoned. Hijikata's sword glints ominously as he slowly unsheathes it, but it's the wildly calm look to blue eyes that really concerns him. "Any last words, Yorozuya?" </p><p>With his hands raised nervously in front of him, he sweats. </p><p>Don't be stupid, Gintoki. Don't say anything dumb. Don't make this worse. </p><p>.<br/>
.<br/>
.</p><p>Who the hell does this rotten cop think he is?! Gin-san was only trying to help, dammit! Leave it to that idiot to misunderstand! He wasn't trying to feel him up! </p><p>A lot. </p><p>"Homicide isn't the answer to everything you delinquent!" Gintoki shouts, then kicks out one of Hijikata's legs. He slams painfully onto one knee, his sword clattering out of his hand. </p><p>Hijikata lets out a high, choked moan as he curls around his knee, and Gintoki is startled by the curl of arousal that makes his cock jump slightly. </p><p>"You <em>bastard..!"</em> Hijikata cries out, pain twisting his expression from something fierce to something.</p><p>Helpless. </p><p>Blood spews violently from his nose. </p><p>Whoops.</p><p>Calm down, boy. </p><p>"Ugh, get your disgusting blood away from me!" Hijikata growls, recoiling away from him. </p><p>"Whose blood is disgusting? You come from the land of milk and mayonnaise!" He snaps, wiping his face off gently with his sleeve. "Whose fault is this anyway, huh?!" </p><p>Hijikata points at him, eyes blazing. "You're the one who fucked up my knee!" </p><p>"You're the one who fucked up my face!" </p><p>"Your face was born like that!" </p><p>Gintoki gasps. The <em>audacity</em> of this pretty faced <em>bitch.</em>  </p><p>"Or at least your brain was!" </p><p>"Says the second in command to a <em>go-ri-llaaaaa." </em>

</p><p>Hijikata's eye twitches. He grits his teeth. "He is not a gorilla."</p><p>"Oh yeah, Gin-san is real convinced now." He nods his head sarcastically. "He's more than just opposable thumbs, you know!" He mocks. "He's capable of real human speech!" </p><p>The officer bites his lip in anger, glaring so strongly his eyes are dilated in his rage. The next thing he knows there's something shiny being hurled at him. </p><p>
  <em>"Ack! My eye!" </em>
</p><p>The coin clatters and bounces right off the landing, lost forever. </p><p>Okay. Lost only a few feet below him. But he's not about to go find it himself. Clutching at his possibly smushed, stinging eyeball, he glares viciously at the stone faced man. "Oi! You better pay Gin-san back for that!" </p><p>"Oh, you're so pathetic!" Hijikata snaps, eyes rolling. "I don't know what's more shameful, the fact that you're desperate for 300 yen or that you have the fucking gall to demand to be paid back when you have a tab running throughout the whole damn town!" </p><p>Gintoki sneers, an unrelenting annoyance fueling him. "That's an agreement between me and the people. You'd know how easy it is to get along with others if you ever kept your hands clean." He spits. "For someone who thinks they're so evolved, you sure didn't grow past the communication skills of a toddler, huh? Mommy never taught you to use your words?" </p><p>Hijikata smiles at him, but it's so cold that it only invokes more anger in him. "Insulting him will never fix your hair." He says patronizingly, before grabbing his sword and standing up. For a second Gintoki thinks there will be another attempt on his life, but then Hijikata turns and starts walking up the stairs. </p><p>Ignoring him.</p><p>Gintoki shoots up, shouting, "Leave my hair out of this! Why do you always have to bring that up?! What are you?! My ex-wife defending her new man?!" </p><p>The only response he gets is a middle finger. </p><p>Gintoki scowls at him before hurrying up the stairs. He takes two steps at a time until they're keeping pace together. As they climb and climb the rickety, circling staircase, Hijikata calls out to him, curt, "Why are you following me?" </p><p>"What a self centered man you are, Hijikata-kun. Gin-san is simply heading in the same direction." </p><p>"Uh-huh." Hijikata mutters. "And just what business do you have on the sky bridge?" </p><p>AnD jUsT wHaT bUsInEsS dO yOu HaVe On ThE sKy BrIdGe? </p><p>So what if he doesn't have any business on the sky bridge? Huh? What business is that of <em>his?</em> Gin-san doesn't need approval from some uppity little gorilla wife. </p><p>Besides, it's simply main character intuition. He knows the drill by now. Kick some ass, get sidetracked, kick some more ass, get more sidetracked, get up again and again and again, spew out some lengthy yet meaningful line, save the day. </p><p>It's just the Yorozuya way. </p><p>"Well if it'll stop the interrogation, Officer-san," Gintoki says pointedly. "I'm looking for something that was left here a few decades ago." </p><p>"Decades?" Hijikata asks, pausing at the top of the stairs. They finally reach the bridge, and the cacophony of battle fades a little all the way up here. Or maybe it fades because for once Hijikata's attention is completely on him and Gintoki can't help but extend the same focus. "What makes you think it's still here? What is it?" </p><p>"Nothing really," he shrugs, leading the way along the bridge, "but I've gotta check, right? Old man lost a locket from his lover here, back in the day." </p><p>Hijikata snorts. "And he cares so much about it, it took him this long to try and find it, huh?" </p><p>"Hey, hey, payday is payday to me. I'm not here to do a quality check on an old geezer's sentiments." He twists a pinky in his nostril. "Although, if I had to, Gin-san thinks it's better late than never, right? It's not really the time so much as the feeling." He stops walking to flick off the booger on his nail, ignoring the disgust twisted in Hijikata's features as he waits. </p><p>A pause. </p><p>"Well," Hijikata says softly, in a way that makes Gintoki think he's somewhere far, far away, "that's one thing I'd have to agree with you on." </p><p>Gintoki looks at him, bathed in the light streaming in from a partially covered skylight above them. His eyes look so light they could be akin to ice. The long curl of his eyelashes is hypnotic, his skin looks soft and warm, his lips a sunset pink. </p><p>Beautiful doesn't cover it. </p><p>He takes in Hijikata's frame, how the light seems to glow around him, feathered out and golden, so bright he can see dust particles floating in the air. The shafts of sunlight seem to be drawn to him, waiting for him, so incandescent that even the fire below them looks dim, weak in comparison. </p><p>For a second he wonders if this is how Hijikata was born into the world, in a burst of light, blinding. </p><p>Illuminating. </p><p>"You know." Gintoki says, equally soft as Hijikata turns to look at him. "You should listen to Gin-san more often. He says things worth hearing." </p><p>"Debatable." He says after a beat, a quiet warmth to him. He walks on, back straight, head held high, and although he leaves the light, it doesn't seem to leave him. </p><p>Gintoki stares at that uniformed back, scratching the nape of his neck lightly. "You've always got something to say, huh?" He mutters.</p><p>He walks a step behind the officer, adding, "Only to you." </p><p>"Ah?" </p><p>"Debatable." Gintoki clarifies. "Only to you." At Hijikata's quizzical look, he explains, "Most people see Gin-san as the handsome, charming, capable Yorozuya he is." He feels a smirk grow on his face when he hears Hijikata's scoff.  "However, some poor, unfortunate souls are too small-brained to see that." Muddy red meets clear blue. "You seem to swing both ways." </p><p>Hijikata levels him with a raised brow and a cool face. "When have I ever said you were handsome?" </p><p>Gintoki leans closer to him, their shoulders bumping together. "Gin-san doesn't need to hear it to know it's true." </p><p>Predictably, sky blue eyes roll. "Ego much?" He mutters. "And don't think I didn't hear you call me small brained, idiot. Between the two of us, my brain could take your brain any day." He states, superiority lining his words, shoving Gintoki away from him. He stumbles and then catches himself, competition riling him up.</p><p>"Bring it on, Mayo-brain." Gintoki taunts, before he shoves Hijikata over. He does the same stumbling dance, the clamoring noises rising over his sudden panicked yelp. Gintoki smirks at him, but it drops quickly upon catching the shock in wide blue eyes and a parted mouth. That's when he realizes he's pushed Hijikata right over where the railing was destroyed. </p><p>It's like they realize that Hijikata is falling at the same time, one foot off the bridge and the other teetering over. His hand reaches back, instinctively, and in a split second Gintoki is there, grabbing him tightly and yanking him back until they're stumbling to the other side of the bridge, metal railing digging into his back, creaking at their weight. Its only when Hijikata is safely encased in his arms, with his back to Gintoki's chest, that he remembers to breathe. With one of his hands pressed to Hijikata's chest, he swears their hearts are racing with the same beat. </p><p>"Um," Gintoki starts cautiously, "you alright?" </p><p>That seems to kickstart Hijikata into action, as he inhales sharply and breaks free from Gintoki's grasp. Gintoki ignores the way his hands itch to reach out and grab again. Hijikata smoothes his hands down his uniform and readjusts his jacket as he steps away, gruffly speaking, " 'm fine." Blue eyes glance at him out of his peripheral vision before he says, "Don't expect me to thank you." </p><p>As the tension in his body eases, Gintoki huffs in amusement. "Just don't hold it against me, alright?" </p><p>Hijikata scoffs lightly. "We'll see about that. Fucking threw me off a bridge, asshole..." He mutters as he stalks forward. </p><p>"Almost!" Gintoki interjects, following the officer's brisk pace. </p><p>Hijikata ignores him, brows creasing as he mutters, "..this is what I get for wasting time...Sougo'd have a fucking riot...'here lies Bastard-comma-That. He didn't live well. We all hated him. My only wish is that I could've been the one to push him off the bridge'...tch. I'll see you in hell, fucking brat..." </p><p>Gintoki throws a sour look at him. "Quit talking to yourself, Gin-san doesn't have the professional licensing to deal with all that. And why does your mind go to the little sadist anyway, huh? What's with you two anyway, huh? Surely it should be Gin-san on your mind right now, right?" </p><p>Dark brows furrow and his mouth pushes out, a little judgy. "The fuck are you talking about, dumbass?" </p><p>
  <em>Yeah, dumbass. What are you talking about? </em>
</p><p>He does not care that Hijikata won't stop bringing up other men in his presence. </p><p>Right? </p><p>"Nothing," he says, looking away, "never mind." </p><p>From the corner of his eye he sees Hijikata's lips part, but before he can speak an explosion rocks the bridge. Instinctively they both crouch low, centering their weight, and Gintoki's hand clasps onto the railing. The shouting from below intensifies to screams, the air filling with thick smog. </p><p>The bridge stops shaking eventually, and they stand, peering over the side. Someone detonated a mini explosive at the base of one of the warehouse's support structures, near the north entrance. It seems to have exacerbated the small fire Gintoki had seen earlier around the office, now developing quickly into something untameable. </p><p>"Shit." Hijikata curses softly. "Why do I feel like this is Sougo's handiwork?" </p><p>Gintoki nods. "Your kid is way worse than mine." </p><p>Hijikata gives him this look that says <em>I know</em> and <em>tell me about it</em> and <em>shut up</em> all at once, and Gintoki is surprised to find that he can read it so well, that it comes off as familiar, almost endearing. </p><p>"Let's go." Hijikata says, tugging at his hand. </p><p>"Sure." Gintoki blinks, but gestures out in front of them.</p><p>"No, I said. Let. Go." He points down. Gintoki follows his finger and sees a hand clamped to his wrist. </p><p>Wait, no. </p><p><em>His</em> hand clamped around Hijikata's wrist.</p><p>…</p><p>When did that happen? </p><p>He must've grabbed onto Hijikata when he had grabbed onto the railing, an instinctive part of him making sure the man wouldn't fall. </p><p>Well, isn't he just the nicest guy? </p><p>"You're welcome." Gintoki states haughtily as he lets go of the other's wrist. </p><p>Hijikata scoffs rudely. "For what, idiot?" </p><p>You'd think the organized and always prepared vice commander would appreciate a little preventive action. Ungrateful brat, Gintoki thinks as he and Hijikata hurry over to the other side of the bridge. </p><p>As they descend the stairs in a rushed pace, Gintoki can see the heat rising toward them, smoke vaporizing the clean air. He squints at the dangerous scene before him. Plumes of unruly orange and red flames engulf the office, burning everything in its path. The fire is spreading and growing with each second, creeping ever closer to the north side entrance, thanks to some debris from the explosion catching fire and lighting the way. Both Joui and Shinsengumi alike run from the scorching, suffocating heat, while others, still, fight. </p><p>Hijikata flips open his phone and makes a call, holding the device to his ear. </p><p>"Kondo-san?-" </p><p>"-yes, don't worry. Just start evacuating the building. Harada's group is outside waiting for the rebels-" </p><p>"-right, no. He's with me. I'll send him your way. Tell Yamazaki to call the fire department and make sure he gets the fucking address right this time-" </p><p>"-don't worry, Kondo-san. Just focus on evacuating. I'll meet you outside in fifteen." </p><p>Hijikata snaps his phone shut, calm and collected as they continue their descent. Shrewd eyes carefully analyze the fire and the chaos around them and Gintoki realizes this is not Hijikata, but the Vice Commander who walks next to him. </p><p>"Yorozuya, your kids are being ushered outside as we speak. Go join them."</p><p>"And what will you be doing?" He asks, brow raised. "Gin-san won't be held responsible for returning a crisp Mayora back to the Gorilla." </p><p>"How lucky it is to be you." Hijikata says quietly, like he's not entirely focused on the conversation. "Unfortunately for me, I will be held responsible if you get burnt to a crisp. There's not enough tax dollars in the world to settle the lawsuit you would no doubt come up with." </p><p>They continue down the stairs, nonchalantly speaking despite the urgency of the situation. </p><p>"Oi, that's not a bad idea. Say, how much can a guy get with two dependents?" He thinks for a moment. "And a dog?" </p><p>"Not a dime, you absolute con." Hijikata snarks casually, blue eyes peering at him peripherally. "I'll handle your claim <em>personally." </em>

</p><p>"Oh dear, Gin-san doesn't need another stalker." </p><p>"Who would stalk you?! ...seriously, who would stalk you?" </p><p>"What's that supposed to mean?! Gin-san isn't good enough to stalk?!" Why is that strangely insulting?! </p><p>Hijikata pauses, then mutters to himself, "Well, not everyone has good taste."</p><p>"Oi! I heard that!" He snaps. "You got a lot of nerve talking about good taste when you run around town jacking off mayonnaise bottles!" </p><p>Hijikata jolts to a stop on the stairs, between steps, flustered. <em>"Shut. Up!" </em>

</p><p>"Oh yeah," Gintoki continues heatedly, "you think the public wants to see your fucking mayo facials?" He thinks back to a time he'd been in the Shinsengumi barracks and had wandered into a kitchen separate from the cafeteria. Hijikata had been in the middle of making a sandwich and had his head tilted back and eyes closed, his signature yellow bottle hovering over his face as he tried to thrust every last drop onto his pink, waiting tongue. At the time Gintoki could only feel disgust, shame for his fellow man, but now- now it makes him kind of jealous. "The least you could do is keep that behind closed doors, you pervert!" </p><p>"I am not a pervert!" Hijikata shrieks. "You're the pervert! You're the one thinking of it like that! Stop it!" He demands, almost childishly.  "That's sacrilege!" </p><p>"No, it should be criminal, officer-san. Who do I call to arrest you, huh?" Gintoki asks mockingly, passing Hijikata's frozen form on the stairs. "Gin-san demands compensation! I'm putting that in the lawsuit!" </p><p>It takes a few seconds for Hijikata to come barreling down the stairs after him, shouting, "There isn't gonna be a lawsuit, you ass! Apologize to mayonnaise!" </p><p>"Apologize to my eyes! Apologize to my brain!" </p><p>"Your brain was born like that!" </p><p>"Oi!" </p><p>Hijikata opens his mouth only to choke on a cough, shoving his face into his elbow as it racks through his body. The smoke is getting thicker and thicker, creating a lack of visibility, an acrid smell, and a burning sensation in his eyes and throat. He holds his sleeve over his nose. He's sure the smoke got to Hijikata first because his lungs are already absolute shit. Shiny blue eyes peer at him over his elbow, and he knows the same thought passed through his mind. </p><p>"You still have time to quit, you kn-" </p><p>"Oh, can it." </p><p>After that, they shut up and hurry down the stairs. Thankfully the air gets cleaner by the time they reach the bottom, as the smoke keeps drifting higher and higher. They stop on the landing right before reaching the ground floor. </p><p>Hijikata points to their left, towards a group of wooden pallets and old boxes. "I know the exit by the office is closer but behind that stuff should be an emergency exit. Take it and the kids should be near the south entrance." </p><p>"Well, on with it then. Those boxes won't move themselves, Mayora." </p><p>"You're even lazy when it comes to evacuating?" Hijikata cuts him a look out of the corner of his eye. "You really are a bottom of the barrel kind of guy, huh?" </p><p>"Oi, I take offense to that. Is it not your job, officer, to help a citizen in need?" </p><p>"Not when that citizen is perfectly capable of doing it himself." </p><p>Gintoki huffs. "Is there something else you plan on doing while this place falls apart?"</p><p>Hijikata unintentionally glances at the fire curling and growing slowly towards them, the steel door of the office partially open and encased in flames. </p><p>Gintoki blinks. "You're joking. You're joking, right? Oi, oi, Hijikata-kun, has the smoke gotten to your brain?" He waves a hand in front of Hijikata's face. "Maybe you didn't notice so Gin-san will be nice and let you know, but that office is <em>on fire.</em> Whatever you may need is probably ashes by now." </p><p>"That may be, but I still need to check-" He continues over the huff of Gintoki's amused scoff- "and as much as I'd like to see you disappear in a puff of smoke, you're still a civilian and you need to go. Now." </p><p>Gintoki shakes his head, calm settling over his features even if he feels a little off kilter. This stubborn bastard is really trying to kill himself. And he just expects Gintoki to let him. As if it's not ingrained in his DNA to just do as he pleases. </p><p>It's not like Gintoki doesn't understand the need to find what he's looking for, after all Gintoki's still on the clock to find that locket. But if the fire takes it, he'd at least like to be able to tell that to his client himself. And to do that he needs to be, oh, not a smoking pile of Gin flakes. </p><p>"Oi. You're not exactly fireproof, you know." He tugs lightly on the cravat tied around Hijikata's neck, unintentionally leaning in as he says, "And neither is Gin-san. What's the use of a Mayora melted into the ground?" </p><p>Hijikata stares at him unwaveringly, a glint of steel in his eyes. "More useful than an odd jobs business without their odd boss." </p><p>A beat passes where blue and red are locked on each other, then Hijikata turns and walks down the remaining stairs. Gintoki can only watch, hand slowly dropping to his side, as he walks towards the inflamed office before turning to look back at Gintoki.  </p><p>"Yorozuya." Hijikata says, and even through the havoc of clashing swords and screaming men and clamoring footsteps, it rings loud and clear. "Leave." </p><p>It burns to look at him, he thinks.</p><p>Backdropped by the illuminating dance of wild yellows, oranges, and reds, with the smoky haze slowly wafting above them, he is blinded- but not from the sting of all the chemicals in the air or the intensity of the blaze. </p><p>No. </p><p>It's the look in sky blue eyes. </p><p>Hotter than the fire burning behind him, as steady as the night turning into day, as piercing as a bolt of lightning. </p><p>It's here Gintoki realizes that the man may have been born in a burst of light, but he was raised in the scorching heat of an inferno. </p><p>Hijikata will walk through those flames, and they will either bend to his will or perish at his touch. </p><p>****</p><p>Gintoki welcomes the fresh air that hits him once he steps outside the warehouse and makes his way south. All around him are Shinsengumi officers rounding up Joui rebels, and he can hear the sirens of the fire truck and ambulance on the way. He spots the kids immediately, and whatever worry left in him leaves at the sight of Kagura casually eating seaweed on the hood of a cop car and Shinpachi wilting in relief at the sight of him. </p><p>He makes his way over to them with one arm tucked into his yukata, warm quirk of his lips greeting them. </p><p>Fifteen minutes later, he spies Hijikata coming out of the entrance, jacket scorched and smoking in his arms, face a little smudged with soot, but otherwise untouched. There's a bundle of fragile looking documents held in his arms as well. Shinsengumi officers rush to meet him and through the hubbub surrounding him their eyes meet, blue on red. </p><p>Hijikata holds something up, something shiny that dangles from his hand. </p><p>The locket. </p><p>His eyes widen in disbelief. Unbelievable. </p><p>
  <em>What a main character move there, Hijikata-kun. </em>
</p><p>"Gin-chan," Kagura pipes up, leaning forward on the squad car. "Does this mean Mayora gets the finder's fee?" </p><p>Gintoki glances at her before looking back at the vice commander, smirk playing on his face. "Ah, not to worry, Kagura-chan. After all, Gin-san found him, right?" </p><p>********</p><p>"Oi, oi, oi, Nee-san, come on. Gin-san isn't asking for much, right?" Gintoki smiles as charmingly as possible. "He just wants to refund the money spent on this ticket." </p><p>The young woman working in the ticket booth of the local movie theater stares at him, unmoved. </p><p>"He got this as a gift, you know? I really worked hard the other day, putting up a fence for this old geezer's brood of hens while my kids did a terrible job of keeping those rowdy chicks in line." He lowers his voice, peering at the cashier secretively. "My giblets were in danger, you know." Then he shrugs. "The ladies just love Gin-san." </p><p>The employee's stare grows vacant. </p><p>"Anyways." Gintoki idly raps his knuckles on the glass between them. "That old man gave me a bunch of eggs and these tickets as payment, and well, my kid sucked up all the eggs and I could really use some cash so…" </p><p>He slides the tickets through the slot in the glass. He smiles at her crookedly. "This way it's a real payment, right?" </p><p>The woman glances down at the tickets for a mere second before looking back at him. "Sir, those are free movie coupons we give away in raffles to celebrate a specific movie's opening day. It's a package that includes a free drink and popcorn. And it's nonrefundable." Then she flips the coupons over, dark eyes dull and unblinking. "It says it right here, and here, and here." She points out without looking. </p><p>"Ah." Gintoki eyes the bold red script, disappointed. Then his eyes wander to the little name tag pinned to her uniform. Mari. </p><p>Okay. Time for plan B. </p><p>Gintoki's glad he opted not to wear a jacket, as it allows the ample muscles in his arms and chest to be more visible. He fakes a yawn and stretches, spine straightening, arms taut, broad shoulders eye catching. He shuffles around a little, leaning his arm above his head against the glass, hair ruffled and a lazy smirk that he knows is attractive on his face. </p><p>She meets his eyes, a little more life to them. </p><p>He suppresses the smugness he feels before it can show on his face, in his gestures, and says, voice smooth and deep, "Ne, Mari-chan, Gin-san only-" </p><p>"So I'll get you settled for the showing at 1:10 PM." She interrupts abruptly, typing on her keyboard. "You're in theater 5, your seat is 10E, please collect your snacks inside." She stamps something onto one of his coupons and slides them all back through the slot. She smiles robotically. "Have a good day. Next!" </p><p>Gintoki blinks, pushing off the glass. The couple behind him awkwardly wait for him to leave. He slowly takes his coupons. His eyes are blank as he walks towards the theater entrance. </p><p>
  <em>Oi. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>She couldn't even pretend. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Oi. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>She couldn't even wait for me to finish.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Oi.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Is it time, God? Is the end here? Should I do it? Should I jump off a bridge? Are these the thoughts of a Madao? Am I a Madao? </em>
</p><p>Gintoki remains silent throughout his too-soon-to-be-possible midlife crisis, emotionless as gets his snacks and walks mechanically to theater 5 and up the aisle to row E. He sits down statically, eyes unseeing, placing his soda in the cup holder. Or he tries to, but it's already occupied and he blinks back to awareness, eyes on the person next to him. </p><p>Dark locks, blue yukata, long legs resting on the reclined seat. </p><p>Without a second thought Gintoki forces the lever to recline down and the seat jerks in an instant, Hijikata's legs flying down as his upper body shoots up. He lets out a yelp as he's jostled back into his seat, head swiveling so sharp eyes can glare at him. </p><p>"What the hell?!" </p><p>"Get out." Gintoki demands. </p><p>"Come again?" Hijikata asks through gritted teeth. </p><p>"You're the last person I want to see, <em>pretty boy."</em> Gintoki jeers derisively. Is <em>that</em> the kind of guy Mari-san would like? Hah? Just because Gin-san isn't that kind of model-handsome doesn't mean he belongs with the nose hairs and scraggle-tooths of the world! </p><p>Does he wash his face in the mornings? No. </p><p>Does he always shave his stubble? No.</p><p>Does he moisturize? No. </p><p>Does he take a shower every night? No. </p><p>Does he always wash his hands after he relieves himself? No. </p><p>Does that make him a dirty old man? </p><p>Yes. </p><p>.<br/>
.<br/>
.</p><p>Wait- </p><p>"That's my line, dumbass. Today's my first day off in a long time and I have to run in to you? <em>Again?"</em> Hijikata hisses. "I was having such a good time, too." He mutters, slumping into his seat. </p><p>"Well, by all means, Hi-ji-ka-ta-kun. The doors right over there." He waves his hand all willy-nilly, setting his soda in the other cup holder. His seat reclines with a thump and he shoves buttery popcorn in his mouth, munching noisily as he says, "Let it hit you on the way out. Fix that rotten attitude of yours." </p><p>Huh. </p><p>He can actually hear the man's teeth grind. </p><p>Out of the corner of his eye he sees Hijikata's face darken. Gintoki pays him no mind after a moment, the weirdly sentimental car commercial playing on the theater screen capturing his attention. </p><p>In hindsight, he should've realized what that crisp <em>snap!</em> was. </p><p>As it is, perhaps he should be grateful that it wasn't his neck, but he thinks, terror swirling in his chest, that maybe that would be preferable. He can only stare in horror as Hijikata swirls his mayonnaise over Gintoki's salty, buttery, <em>free</em> popcorn. Blue eyes stare him down fearlessly as he shoves the bottle deep within the bucket and squeezes more out, making sure to coat, to ruin, as much of his popcorn as possible. All is silent as Hijikata snaps the bottle closed and tucks it into his yukata. </p><p>"Let the sanctity of this mayonnaise fix <em>your</em> rotten attitude." </p><p>Gintoki stares at the atrocious, yellow, godless sacrifice in his lap for a second before he smacks it aside, a random yelp surfacing as it hits a movie goer. "Sanctity, my ass!" He screams, leaping up and yanking Hijikata with him, pulling him closer by his open yukata, his knuckles brushing bare skin for a moment. He snarls, "Gin-san knows you did that to destroy his popcorn on purpose! You're not slick, you shitty Mayora!" </p><p>Hijikata shoves his forehead against Gintoki's, all angry lines and a scowling mouth. He pushes Gintoki's head down with his own, glaring wildly into his eyes as he bites out, "I would never waste my precious mayo like that! Maybe if you weren't raised by fucking leeches you could recognize a gift when it's fucking given to you!" </p><p><em>"Mama Leech wants to know your location!"</em> He spits, and surges forward, knocking Hijikata's forehead down. Hijikata struggles to raise his head and Gintoki forces him down further in an instant, so swift and unyielding that his eyes shut and a soft grunt leaves him.</p><p>Oh shit, he thinks as Hijikata stumbles back a little, that was cute. </p><p>No! </p><p>Bad brain! Bad brain! </p><p>Ignore the cute! Acknowledge the annoying! </p><p>Hijikata opens his eyes and glares sharply at him, but when the other patrons start yelling at them he huffs and plops back down onto his seat. He reclines it, wiggling around before settling down. </p><p>Cuuuuute. </p><p>...dammit brain. </p><p>Then Hijikata grabs his filthy sin bucket and proceeds to snack on his wicked creation.</p><p>Aaaaaaand the cute is gone.</p><p>It's then he notices the other movie patrons are still shushing them. Gintoki clicks his tongue at them before sinking into his seat, reclining it again. "You owe me another popcorn." He whispers.</p><p>Hijikata flicks a singular popped kernel at him and it bounces off his head. </p><p>His eye twitches. "You're hilarious." He says dully. "Now hand over the cash. Gin-san will take good care of Shureimon-san and friends." </p><p>"Shureimon says," Hijikata's eyes narrow, "not on your <em>life." </em>

</p><p>His fist slams onto the armrest between them. "You ruined my popcorn! You owe me another! How is Gin-san supposed to maximize his movie theater experience without all the fixings?!" </p><p>Hijikata turns his eyes to the screen. "Shouldn't you be used to living within your means by now? Be grateful you still have that drink." </p><p><em>You Poor Bastard,</em> went unsaid. Gintoki makes a sarcastic face at him before slumping back into his seat. He clenches his hand around the cold, wet cup and sips at the soda with a frown. The crisp, cool taste fizzes on his tongue and he mutters out, "You bought that shit with <em>my</em> taxes, dammit."</p><p>Hijikata, ever observant, mutters back, "Show me even one, <em>one,</em> form you filed for your taxes." </p><p>Gintoki pauses and purses his lips. "Everything is paperless nowadays…" </p><p>"Then pull it up on your phone." </p><p>He shifts in his seat. "It's...charging. At home." </p><p>Hijikata rolls his eyes. "Then shut up and let me watch this movie." </p><p>Gintoki grumbles under his breath but keeps his comments to himself. The movie still hasn't started, the screen showing a trailer for the long anticipated final movie adaptation of the Gintaman comic. Flashes of the silver haired main character and the people he's grown to love and who've grown to love him show on the screen, interspersed with declarations of promise and shots of action. Gintoki has kept up with the Gintaman comics in a sort of 'oh, that's still around?' kind of way, but he can't say he regrets it. In fact, he's proud of how far it's come and how many people it's reached. It's the last film, and even though the series has stretched out for nearly two decades, he wouldn't mind seeing the silver haired protagonist's handsome face for a little while longer. </p><p>Maybe there will be a sequel. Who knows? The author for that series has always been an interesting one. Regardless, he makes a note to take the kids with him to watch it when it comes out. The trailer ends and the screen widens and fades to black, the first notes of the beginning credits starting to trickle in. Which makes him realize….he has no idea what movie this is. </p><p>Taking his ticket coupon out of his pocket he squints in the dim lighting, trying but unable to read the title. Then he squints back up at the screen but it looks like he's missed the title credits. </p><p>He leans over to the other man and whispers, "Oi." </p><p>Hijikata scoffs. "God, you couldn't even last <em>five minutes-" </em>

</p><p>"Oh, shut up! I just have a question, if that's alright with you, <em>your highness?"</em> Gintoki sneers in a hushed tone. "What's this movie?" </p><p>Hijikata pauses, then turns to look at Gintoki, confusion on his face. They're only inches apart, but Hijikata doesn't seem to notice. At least, not the way Gintoki does. "The fuck do you mean 'whats this movie?'" He breathes. "You bought the damn ticket." </p><p>"Actually." Gintoki murmurs, feeling a little overwhelmed being this close to the man, having that intense stare focused solely on him and not in an 'I want to kill you' way. "It was gifted to me. And I can't read the stub in this lighting." </p><p>Hijikata seems to freeze for a second before his eyes flick to the side. "Oh."  </p><p>He abruptly turns his head away, and Gintoki blinks, ignoring the slight disappointment in his chest. Then that disappointment grows into delight as the lighting grows stronger as the scene transitions on the screen and he can spy a hint of rosiness on pale cheeks. Hijikata clears his throat. "Uh, actually I don't know what this movie is called either. Or what it's about. S-sougo switched my ticket, see? I came here to watch the new…." Hijikata stalls, lips parted, "...Fast and Furious?" </p><p>Oh. This man cannot lie. It's pathetic, really. Sad. Gintoki should throw him a bone. He would've, too, if he didn't find so much joy in bullying the officer. He calls Hijikata on his bullshit, smirking. "My, my, Vice Commander. Are you serious? Is this the mind behind Edo's federal police force? No wonder this town's going to shit, if Mr. Smartest Person in the Room can't even remember that there's no Fast and Furious movies out right now." </p><p>Hijikata clicks his tongue, bristling in his seat. "...it was a special showing! Deleted scenes and commentary from the last movie. Exclusive for premium members of the theater's film club." He fibs. </p><p>"And now you're bragging. Wow, Hijikata-kun, that's terrible for a man with a position such as yours. What's next? Huh? You gonna tell poor old Gin-san about the 300,000 yen steak you had for dinner last night? Gonna show off the fancy little robe the five star hotel in Roppongi gave you for free? Go ahead, Mr. Exclusive-" </p><p>"Oh, shut your stupid mouth! I didn't go to any hotel! I don't eat expensive steak! I barely have any time to myself at <em>all!"</em> He hisses. </p><p>"Well, that may be the first truthful thing you've said." </p><p>Hijikata gapes a little, caught in his lie, then scowls and hugs the popcorn bucket to himself. "I don't wanna hear that from you, you fraudulent moron." </p><p>"Oi!" </p><p>"Shuddup! Pay attention to the fucking movie!" He whisper-yells too loudly. When the other viewers start throwing them harsh looks, he snaps, "All of you!" </p><p>Even in a whisper-yell his authority is absolute, and the movie patrons snap their heads back to the screen. Well, except for Gintoki. Obviously. </p><p>Hijikata refuses to look at him, hand shoving mayo-popcorn into his mouth. Gintoki just stares at him in subtle amusement, sipping noisily on his drink. Well that's fine. Gintoki supposes he'll just have to watch the movie to find out why the man next to him seems so embarrassed by it. </p><p>****</p><p>It's a romance flick. Not just a romance flick, its a cheesy romance flick. Corny, predictable, a little bland. The leads do have nice chemistry but the plot is just too overused. He's a bad boy with nothing to lose, she's the nice, wholesome girl who will change him. </p><p>To think Hijikata paid to watch this. It doesn't seem to fit his personality at all, and yet, Gintoki thinks, watching how emotions shift across the other's face, completely caught in the pace of the story, Hijikata seems to be genuinely enjoying himself. </p><p>He's not <em>surprised</em> he finds this cute. Just disappointed. </p><p>Still, watching Hijikata is more interesting than watching the movie. He's completely absorbed into that little world, not taking notice of Gintoki's obvious stare at all. He observes how his brows raise and his mouth drops slightly, how his eyes widen or his lips break out into a small smile, how his fingers squeeze the armrest and his face tenses, how he laughs unexpectedly or leans forward in his seat, how his feet rhythmically sway, whatever it is, whatever he does, Gintoki notices it all. </p><p>He slurps the last of his soda and sets it back in the cup holder. His eyes flick back to his preferred source of entertainment, and he's shocked to see Hijikata's lips tremble, his eyes glassy and dewy. He looks to the movie for what seems like the first time since it started, and sees the two leads...dancing. Hijikata is on the verge of tears because… they're dancing. The young man holds his love interest close, their arms around each other as they slowly sway in a circle, staring lovingly into each other's eyes as the music, soft and hopeful, crescendos as they kiss. </p><p>He hears a sniffle and sees Hijikata with a slender hand to his mouth, eyebrows furrowed and glistening tears rolling down his flushed cheeks. </p><p>Oddly, Gintoki feels his chest warm. This is actually, he thinks fondly, the second time he's seen the feared demon cry during a movie. </p><p>...Hijikata's actually a pretty sensitive guy, isn't he? </p><p>The movie ends before he knows it, and it surprises him by killing off the girl. Perhaps if he'd been paying attention, he'd know why. Alas, all he can focus on is the way Hijikata's whole face quivers with his tears, the near silent, stifled sobs and little sniffles. The way he haphazardly rubs at his face, all splotchy with color and wet. And still. </p><p>Beautiful. </p><p>Gintoki knows he won't remember a lick of this B-grade drama. Hell, he still doesn't know it's name, but Hijikata. Oh, Hijikata. </p><p>He'll never forget watching a demon fall in love right next to him. </p><p>********</p><p>"You're a sick bastard Yorozuya." Hijikata says, glaring. </p><p>"Come on now, Hijikata-kun." Gintoki purrs, smug as he eyes the man with a salacious gaze. "You knew that before you walked through the door." </p><p>Hijikata glares even more fiercely but it does little to interrupt Gintoki's mood. Nothing can shake his leering eyes and lazy smirk, not when Hijikata looks so damn sexy dressed as a playboy bunny. He doesn't know what it is about fishnets that makes someone look so enticing, but Hijikata's long, graceful legs are certainly working them. The corset teddy really highlights the smooth, strong line of his shoulders and the delicacy of his collarbone, while also accentuating the definition in his chest and his slim waist. The bunny ears nestled in his hair is really the cherry on top, fitting despite the evil eye and biting scowl he's serving. </p><p>Gintoki leans back against the sofa, arms winding behind his head as his legs spread out. With a lazy grin he says, "Now do a twirl for me, precious." </p><p>"A twirl?" Hijikata asks, arms crossed and deceptively calm. "Sure, I'll do a twirl." </p><p>Oh? </p><p>"It'll be the least I can do after breaking your spine and fashioning your ribs into cutlery." </p><p>Oh. </p><p>"Yeesh, Mayora. No need to go that far. Gin-san just wants to see your bouncy little tail." He teases. </p><p>Blue eyes flash at him icily, lips pulled into an unsympathetic frown. Eventually he rolls his eyes and swivels gracefully on one stilettoed foot, only a flash of his fluffy tail and the perkiness of his ass seen. </p><p>Gintoki clicks his tongue. "No, no, no, Bunny-chan, that won't do. Gin-san hasn't paid for an hour for <em>this</em> kind of service." </p><p>"You haven't paid me at all!" Hijikata shouts, incensed. "If I was getting paid, at least I'd still have some dignity! Why did I let you convince me to do this?! Did a bomb go off one too many times near my head?!" He slaps lightly at his own head. </p><p>"Oi! Hands off the moneymaker! If you want to be hit, come lay on my lap." He orders. </p><p>"Why do you want to spank me so badly?! You ask every time!" </p><p>Gintoki rises from his seat, eyes shining with fervor, hands twitching as he raises them. "Have you seen your ass?! It's practically asking for it!" </p><p>Hijikata shoots him a glare so mean he withers back into his seat. "In the fun, sexy way I mean." He adds. </p><p>The playboy bunny groans in exasperation, head lolling back, the sharp line of his collarbone thrown into relief. "You can't. Touch." He ultimately decides. </p><p>Gintoki reigns in his disappointment, nodding. "Fine, fine. Now…" He trails off, gesturing with his hands. </p><p>Hijikata heaves a sigh before lazily turning around, baring his backside for Gintoki to leer at. </p><p>Ah, Gintoki thinks, sweaty palms on his knees as he leans forward, from his head to his toes, it's no wonder this man has a line of admirers. From his defined back to his tapered waist to the supple curves of his ass and down to his slender ankles, every shadow, every line, every shift of lean muscle under soft skin is a work of art, a creation of perfection. </p><p>Gintoki sighs in enlightenment. "Bend over-" </p><p>Hijikata stabs his foot between Gintoki's legs, an inch from his crotch. The heel of his stiletto digs into the cushion and causes Gintoki to flinch as he backs up as far from it as possible. </p><p>"Ahahaha, kidding! Just kidding! Alright, alright who thinks playboy bunnies are sexy anyway, right? So outdated, so retro..." Gintoki trails off with a nervous laugh as he eyes the sharp point of the heel, still alarmingly close to his crotch. "...so dangerous..." He mumbles. </p><p>Flats, flats, flats, who wears flats? </p><p>Ah! </p><p>Gintoki snaps his fingers and is instantly greeted by the sight of white, orthopedic shoes. He sags into the couch in relief, one hand closing around a slim ankle. Dark eyes trail up the pale, smooth skin of Hijikata's leg until the pink hem of a nurse's uniform enters his vision. </p><p>Success. </p><p>Hijikata looks down at the short, baby pink uniform dressing his body, his hand gently touching the nursing cap that replaced the bunny ears on his head. </p><p>He looks at Gintoki, unimpressed. "Seriously? You've got a thing for nurses?" </p><p>Gintoki grins lightly, caressing the calf in his hold and pressing a kiss to his knee. "It's a classic." He says, tilting his face to rest on the other's knee. </p><p>"It should be fineable." Hijikata mutters before yanking his leg away. </p><p>Gintoki opens his mouth to complain when Hijikata surprises him by sitting in his lap, perfect ass perched on his thigh with legs to either side, the dress stretched thin. He encircles the other's waist and pulls him back to rest more comfortably near his groin, back pressed to his front. Every point of contact leaves him eager for more and so he noses softly at Hijikata's neck, nipping at delicate skin. </p><p>Hijikata tilts his head back with a pleasant sigh, allowing Gintoki room to lay gentle, slow kisses along his neck as his hands start to wander. One travels to inch underneath the uniform hem scrunched over his upper thigh, the other smoothing over the flat planes of his upper body, roaming over enticing muscle. Hijikata moans softly as his finger grazes over a slowly hardening nipple. </p><p>Gintoki smiles into his neck before biting at his ear, murmuring, "This suits you so well. Who knew you'd look better in this than Ketsuno Ana?" </p><p>Hijikata stiffens in his arms. He faces Gintoki so fast his cap skews on his head. Pink cheeks, knitted brows, and wide blue eyes stare him down. "When have you seen Ketsuno Ana in something like this?" He demands. </p><p>Gintoki blinks. "Uh, oh you know. Here and there. A little bit of this, a little bit of a cute bikini, a little bit of some apron play." He grins, wiggling his eyebrows. "Sometimes I'll come back home from a long days work and we'll do the whole Mr. and Mrs. routine- ouch!" </p><p>Gintoki rubs at his thigh, throbbing from Hijikata's fist slamming down on it like the righteous gavel of <em>'oh no he didn't'.</em> Hijikata slips from his grasp and stomps his way over to the center of the living room before spinning around and shooting a disgusted look at Gintoki. "You're unbelievable!" He hisses, arms crossing. "How could you make me wear the same thing as her?" </p><p>"What's the big deal? It's not like you're sharing the same underwear!...although..." He trails off as his mind conjures the images of Hijikata wearing cutesy, frilly panties- oof! </p><p>Gintoki's head smacks into the hard back of the couch, stinging, throbbing pain swelling in his nose after something round and metallic struck it. He moans and groans in pain, tears welling in his eyes as he delicately prods at his nose, blood staining his fingers. He glares blearily at a pissy, pouting Hijikata. "What the hell...?" </p><p>The dark haired man simply looks away. "You deserve it. Don't think gross things about me. Pervert." </p><p>"You almost broke my nose!" Gintoki looks around and sees a, <em>a barometer?,</em> on the couch next to him. "Where the hell did you get that?" </p><p>Hijikata scoffs and rolls his eyes. "Where do you think, you fucking moron? She probably left it. You don't even have the decency to clean up before I come over!" </p><p>Gintoki stares at him, annoyed. "Drop the attitude, Hijikata." </p><p>The abrupt change in tone makes Hijikata glance at him, and whatever he sees in Gintoki's humorless face makes him click his tongue and look away. The pain from his nose swiftly disappearing, he leans forward, elbows on his knees with his hands clasped as he speaks. "You don't need to concern yourself with her. The two of you are like orbiting planets," he smirks lazily, "I've made sure of it." </p><p>Hijikata stares blankly at the wall, the only indication that he's alive being the slow breaths that subtly move his chest. "Great." He says finally, dully. "Any other planets in this solar system?" </p><p>Gintoki scratches the back of his neck. "Not really. No one else really has planet status." When Hijikata remains strangely motionless, he adds appeasingly, "Comets are so fleeting, they can't compare." </p><p>Again, Hijikata is silent. Did Gintoki fuck up and not know it? He tends to do that, but the other party often violently lets him know he's fucked up. In fact, Hijikata's first instinct is normally a violent one when it comes to Gintoki, even if he hasn't fucked up. So this...weird stillness lining his body…</p><p>It's kind of unsettling. </p><p>Gintoki opens his mouth to- probably make things worse- when Hijikata cuts him off, asking, "Which one am I?" </p><p>He blinks stupidly. "Huh?" </p><p>"Planet." He clarifies, eyes never moving from the wall. "Am I Mercury or Venus?" </p><p>Gintoki shoots him an amused smile. "I mean, it's not like I actually rank you guys-" </p><p>"-If you had to choose." He interrupts, voice low, more serious than such a silly question should warrant. </p><p>If he had to choose, huh? His mind immediately flies to Venus. He doesn't know much about the actual planet, but he knows the name comes from the Roman goddess of love, and love makes him think of sex, and sex makes him think of Hijikata. </p><p>"Venus." He answers confidently. His confidence falters when Hijikata's face falls, and he didn't even know it had risen, the stirred up hope so subtle. "What's wrong with Venus?" </p><p>"Nothing." Hijikata says, bitter. "I love being second." </p><p>Gintoki's eyebrows raise slightly, taken aback. Second? Why….does that sound like- </p><p>"Hijikata-kun. Are you jealous?" </p><p>The man in question scoffs. "I am not jealous." He mutters. "Why should I be jealous?" He pauses, and Gintoki watches the way long lashes blink a little rapidly and his lips tense to stop quivering. Oh so softly, he hears, "Why should I care if your hands touch her, too." </p><p>Gintoki stares at him for a moment before he says, "They don't." </p><p>Hijikata slowly looks at him from beneath his lashes as Gintoki continues, "My hands, I mean. They don't touch her." He shrugs. "I like to look at her, mostly. Well, and I do enjoy the lovey dovey parts, but, in a kind of shallow way. I guess." </p><p>"Shallow how?" He asks quietly.</p><p>Gintoki shrugs again, leaning back on the sofa. "Shallow, like," he stares into blue eyes, a little shiny and a little riddled with insecurity, "like there's nothing for you to worry about." </p><p>Hijikata looks down at his orthopedic shoes and smooths a hand down his uniform. "Who said I was worried?" He huffs softly. </p><p>A wry smile crosses Gintoki's face. "You know, you're very lucky Gin-san thinks you're cute. Otherwise that lying mouth of yours would be in big trouble." </p><p>" 'm not lying." He mumbles. </p><p>"You were literally about to cry- " </p><p>"I was not..! I was- that was just- there was an eyelash stuck in my eye, okay?! It was painful!" Hijikata yells, eyes wide and clearly lying. He points a finger at Gintoki. "You wouldn't know anything about that, stubby!" </p><p>Stubby gasps, fingers coming to brush his aptly named eyelashes. "Oi! These are average length, asshole! Not all of us can have...! Have...!" Gintoki stutters, trying to think of something insulting yet comparable to Hijikata's long, thick eyelashes when he blurts out, "Peacock feathers! Broom brushes...! Moth...wings...?" </p><p>Hijikata gives him his patented 'god gave you an acorn instead of a brain, didn't he?' look. </p><p>"Shuddup." He barks, annoyance wrinkling his face. "Geez, Mayora. You're making Gin-san's blood pressure go up. And not where I want it, either." </p><p>"Good one." He mutters, sarcastic. </p><p>"You always get like this, you know. Never give me time to explain, always jumping to conclusions, getting all grouchy and jealous..." Gintoki pauses as an idea pops into his head. With a small smirk he continues, "What am I going to do with you," he snaps his fingers, "Kitten?" </p><p>Hijikata's nurse uniform is replaced by a sleeveless, black mock-neck tucked into slim black trousers, belted at the waist. Soft, black kitty ears poke out of his hair and a swaying tail unfurls behind him. The silver bell attached to the red collar around his neck jingles softly as he moves. </p><p>Hijikata holds a hand out and watches as his tail slowly coils around it. "Your fetishes are disturbingly normal." </p><p>"Oi, what is this? Damned if I do, damned if I don't?" </p><p>"This is what happens when you're a pervert." </p><p>Gintoki smirks. "Now, now, Kitten. If Gin-san was a real pervert, he'd make you call him master and force you to drink his milk, right?" </p><p>"You <em>do!" </em>

</p><p>"Nonsense." Gintoki waves a hand dismissively. "If Gin-san was a real pervert, he'd tie you up outside during your heat and let the neighborhood kids mess with you." </p><p>"You <em>have!" </em>

</p><p>"Ridiculous." Gintoki shakes his head in disappointment. "If Gin-san was a real pervert, he'd bottle up your tit milk and sell it to the masses." </p><p>"That is <em>literally</em> your <em>business!"</em> Hijikata roars, pointing to the sign above Gintoki's desk, written in bubbly font, <em>Yorozuya's Toshi-milk! </em>

</p><p>Gintoki blinks. "Ehhh? Is Gin-san a pervert?" </p><p>Hijikata throws his head back and groans throatily, hands yanking at his hair in frustration. </p><p>"Oi, oi, who's the pervert now? Making such noises, pulling your hair. How shameless, Kitten." Gintoki wiggles his eyebrows teasingly, hand reaching out. "Come and let Master sate your needs."</p><p>A sleek black tail whips at his hand, and Hijikata snaps at him, <em>"Master</em> better shut up before this kitten goes <em>feral." </em>

</p><p>Gintoki snorts and slumps back into the couch. "By all means. You're even cuter then." He shrugs. </p><p>The kitten scowls. "Forget what I said earlier, nothing about you is normal. Couldn't you have dreamed about me eating a bowl of mayonnaise or something?" </p><p>"What's normal about that?!" He snaps, and then replays his words. </p><p>
  <em>Dreamed? </em>
</p><p>Ohhh. A sense of realization washes over Gintoki. He's dreaming. </p><p>Well. </p><p>That makes a lot more sense. Real Hijikata would've sliced his dick off by now. </p><p>Actually. </p><p>Real Hijikata would never come home with him. </p><p>That's-</p><p>Fine.</p><p>Hey, shouldn't he be waking up? Isn't that a thing? Once you realize you're dreaming you wake up? Gintoki looks around, but no, everything seems to stay where it is, solid. Hijikata still has kitty ears and a tail. He's still sitting on the couch. </p><p>He pinches his arm. Feels real. </p><p>He rubs his bare feet on the cold floor. Feels real. </p><p>He reaches forward and gropes Hijikata's flat chest. Feels real. </p><p>Hijikata's tail whips his face with no mercy. Feels real. </p><p>He grimaces and rubs at his swollen cheek, willing it to go away. And it does. </p><p>That's actually normal, though. </p><p>So he's totally not dreaming then? </p><p>Slowly, sweeping his gaze over Hijikata's annoyed face, Gintoki smirks. This is just his good karma, isn't it? Of course! Gin-san works his ass off, day and night, from dusk till dawn, patrolling Kabukicho's finest, (gambling), establishments, being such a perfect tenant his landlady is constantly praising, (cursing), his name, stimulating the economy by convincing, (tricking), other people who would otherwise not spend any money into picking up his various tabs. It's a lot of work but one he wouldn't give up for the world. </p><p>And well, Hijikata's always been a cat, right? He thinks back on his memories of Hijikata, all distinctly without kitty ears and a tail, but reasons that stranger things have happened. It totally works in his favor anyway, right? Prickly little thing just needs to relax, and what better way to do that and get in the mood than with a little something- a small tub appears in his hand- special. </p><p>"Oi."</p><p>"Mm?" Hijikata hums. </p><p>He rolls the tub in his hand, containing a crushed plant inside, contemplating. Eventually he decides he's not aiming for subtlety here and untwists the cap on the tub. The scent hits the air and Hijikata has an immediate reaction. Eyes dilating, lips parting as soft breaths escape him, sleek tail shivering. </p><p>Catnip can do wonderful things. </p><p>He smirks and shakes the tub softly, the subtle scent of mint and grass growing stronger. Hijikata lurches forward a step, something like a mewl rising out of him. </p><p>How <em>cute. </em>

</p><p>Gintoki screws the cap back on and grins when Hijikata whines softly. He places it behind him, on the edge of the back of the sofa, before crooking a finger at him. With narrowed eyes and a wicked smirk, he offers, "If you can please me Kitten, I'll let you have the whole tub." </p><p>Hijikata bites his lip, eyes widening. "How generous." He says after a moment, trying and failing to sound uninterested.  </p><p>"Right?" Gintoki's smirk broadens. "Gin-san's only thinking of your own pleasure, baby." </p><p>"Ugh," Hijikata shivers in disgust, but with the blush on his cheeks he isn't fooling anyone. "Keep your mouth shut and I'll see what I can do." </p><p>He scoffs. "You could sound a little more excited, you know." He beckons again with his fingers, "After all, it's your beloved Gin-san." He thinks for a moment. "Your beloved Gin-san's dick." He corrects. </p><p>Hijikata snorts into his hand and Gintoki cracks a grin. "C'mere kitty, kitty." </p><p>Blue eyes roll but he steps forward, only to stop when Gintoki snaps his fingers and points to the ground. This will be the real test, to see if Hijikata will dedicate himself to Gintoki's whims for the sake of that little tub. </p><p>Victory crows in his chest as Hijikata bites his lip and drops to his knees. Gintoki murmurs lowly, "That's a good kitten."</p><p>He watches as Hijikata leans forward on his hands, tail flicking out from behind him. Seductive blue eyes are trained on Gintoki as he slowly crawls forward, hips swaying. Desire sweeps through him, pulsing stronger with every soft jingle of the bell. Hijikata must feel the same, with the way he looks drunk with want the closer he gets to Gintoki. </p><p>He offers a hand out and Hijikata comes right to it, settling outside Gintoki's knee and nuzzling his face into his warm palm. He strokes gently over the velvety softness of his twitching kitty ears before cradling the side of his face, fingers brushing flushed skin and silky hair, thumb gently pressing at plush lips. </p><p>A delicate tongue flicks lightly at his thumb before wrapping pretty lips around it, sucking softly, eyelashes feathered onto his pink cheeks. Bright eyes peer open at him coyly, the blue nearly hypnotizing as he nudges his lips against Gintoki's thumb, subtly accentuating the plumpness of his mouth in a facsimile of a kiss. </p><p>Gintoki feels the heat pool in his gut, need sinking into his every nerve as he presses into that plush pout, opening up for him easily. A soft, wet tongue greets him again, obedient as he slides his thumb across the slippery expanse and then opens his jaw with a firm touch. </p><p>Hijikata is like an aphrodisiac himself, ambrosia of the most sinful nature, a feast for Gintoki and Gintoki alone. The smooth contours of his arms, the perfect sweep of his glossy hair, the way he sits on his knees and waits, the swell of his pink mouth open, delicate tongue lolling out, patient for sustenance-</p><p>It drives him wild.</p><p>Without warning, Gintoki slides two fingers inside that wet, warm mouth, the long, thick digits tickling across his tongue and bumping the hard roof of his mouth. Hijikata dutifully laps at them, rubbing, sucking, coating them in saliva, all while staring at Gintoki with wanton eyes. </p><p>Gintoki shoves his fingers in deeper, knuckles jostled against his soft palate, sliding down his tongue and into his throat. Hijikata chokes around his fingers, eyes tearing as he gags, a third finger slipping in his mouth to fuck his throat. He thrusts deeper, ignoring the pooling saliva, the soft muscles of his throat spasming. Hijikata's jaw drops wide to accommodate him, drooling as he prods the delicate, sensitive nerves of his mouth. </p><p>This is where Hijikata belongs, he decides, a tendril of arousal coiling in his gut, here on his knees, dewy eyed and docile for Gintoki only. Waiting to be used, wanting to please, he's so beautiful like this it makes Gintoki want to show him off. He wants to take him in front of the annoying public that's far too eager for an audience with the Vice Commander, bounce him on his cock right in front of their envious faces, make him plead and cry and hold himself open, leaking Gintoki's cum in front of those shitty bakufu officials who constantly make eyes at him, sit on the goddamn throne in the goddamn palace and turn him into a cockwarmer that not even the goddamn <em>Shogun</em> can touch- </p><p>"Gin-san!" </p><p>Gintoki's eyes snap open, and the first thing he sees is two pairs of big, round eyes. One royal blue, the other warm brown. </p><p>Ah, Gintoki thinks, disappointed. So he was dreaming. Dammit. They were just getting to the good part, too. </p><p>It's been a couple weeks since his last wet dream about Hijikata, but something about this one, from the vague notions floating in his brain, seems a little...off. Is off the word? To be honest, the memories are already slipping away and he can only somewhat recall a fleeting sense of- </p><p>"Gin-chan," Kagura complains, peeling back one of his eyelids, "gross, you look even more like a dead fish than normal. Right, Pachi?" </p><p>"Oi," Gintoki grumbles deeply, swatting her hand away, "that's just my eyes, not the rest of me." </p><p>She rubs the stubble on his cheek. "Scales, yes?" </p><p>Shinpachi chuckles as Gintoki just groans. "Moron, my gills would go there." </p><p>"What? No, gills would go on your neck!" Shinpachi refutes. </p><p>"Ah, who cares!" He gripes, fully awake now. "Quit bothering me! A handsome man like me needs my beauty sleep!" </p><p>"Eh, but Gin-chan, I don't think even an eternity could help you out. Some men come out already expired, yes?" </p><p>"Well, if that's the case- what do you mean I'm already expired?!" He grabs the Yato by the squishy cheeks and squeezes until she looks like a fish herself. She makes a 'glub glub' sound and then tries to mumble past the pressure on her cheeks. "What is she saying, huh Shinpachi-kun?! What is she saying?!" </p><p>"How should I know?" He states flatly. "Will the two of you calm down already? You don't want Otose-san to know you're awake yet, do you?" </p><p>Gintoki pauses. "Good call, Pattsuan." Releasing Kagura's face he pats Shinpachi on the head before turning onto his side and pulling his blanket over- </p><p>
  <em>"That doesn't mean go back to sleep!" </em>
</p><p>"O<em>kaaay.</em> I'm up, I'm up! Sheesh…" Gintoki sits up, then pauses and looks down. </p><p>He's up, he's up. </p><p>Well, thankfully there's a blanket covering his lower half, so no one else has to know what's happening downstairs. </p><p>Gintoki stretches out his arms as he yawns, "Oi, oi. What time is it anyway, huh? It's not even 10 AM, why're you waking me up?" </p><p>"Gin-san," Shinpachi huffs, "it's already noon. Aren't you hungry?" </p><p>Noon? Gintoki peers at the clock behind him. Huh, so it is. And now that the remnants of his dream are all but gone, he is feeling hungry for other things, like food. </p><p>He scratches a hand through his hair. "Say," he glances at Kagura, who is currently tying her hair into her typical jockstrap buns, and leans closer to the glasses wearer, "you didn't let Kirby eat everything, right?" </p><p>Shinpachi smiles at him. "Of course not, Gin-san." His smile drops. "She ate it all anyway. I got half a plate of rice and two salt packets before she sucked it all down." </p><p>"Whaaaaat?" Gintoki whines. "Kagura-chan! Now what is Gin-san supposed to eat, huh?"</p><p>Kagura stares at him without sympathy. "Gin-chan should be grateful I'm not skipping meals, yes? A proper adult knows that kids need lots of food to grow up healthy and strong, yes? And Anego says I'm a growing girl at the age where lots of other kids are developing unhealthy body images and are trying to starve themselves, but not me because I always make sure to eat a lot, yes?" </p><p>"It's not just kids your age, my wallet is developing an unhealthy body image too! Oi, Wallet-kun! Gin-san likes curves!" </p><p>"Well, Gin-san," Shinpachi states blandly, like he's not expecting anything impressive from Gintoki, "you need to feed the wallet too then." </p><p>"Oh, so now I have <em>five</em> mouths to feed?" Gintoki complains. "Five mouths but all the food gets swallowed up by one." He stares pointedly at the Yato. </p><p>"Gin-chan, if you weren't a useless NEET this wouldn't be a problem, yes?" Kagura tuts and shakes her head. "Mami always said that men who can't keep their hair straight can't keep their life straight either." </p><p>"Oi! What's my hair got to do with this?! Are you saying my life went curly when my hair did?! Tell your mommy that girls who beg for a fourth and fifth and sixth helping can't complain when there's nothing to eat the next day!" </p><p>Kagura's cheeks puff out. "But Gin-chan!" She whines, flopping her head onto his shoulder. "You eat lots too, yes? Even Sadaharu!" </p><p>"I worked for it." Gintoki deadpans. </p><p>Both of his kids give him a Look. </p><p>"Alright, but I did pay for it." </p><p>Another Look.</p><p>"Some of it! Besides, I got it through the door, didn't I?" He defends. </p><p>Shinpachi sighs and then smiles good naturedly. "Well, no matter, Gin-san. Today, you won't need to worry about lunch. Although I wish we had a job instead," he mutters under his breath, "there's a pork bun competition taking place downtown. Kagura-chan and I will be going down there to eat our fill." </p><p>"Pork bun, eh? And there's no invite for Gin-san?" </p><p>"It's a competition for teens to young adults." </p><p>Gintoki nods. "So what time should I be there?" </p><p>Shinpachi and Kagura both pause, then exchange pitying looks with each other. </p><p>Kagura holds a hand up to cover her mouth as she leans over Gintoki's lap to speak to Shinpachi secretively. Of course, Gintoki can hear every cruel word she's saying. "Ne, ne, Shin-chan, Gin-chan's delusions are growing stronger, yes?" </p><p>Shinpachi nods his head seriously. "Yes, it's frightening how quickly the mind can unravel. One minute you have your whole life ahead of you and the next," Shinpachi glances quickly at Gintoki before whispering, "it's adult diapers and trying to capture the glory of your youth." </p><p>"What the hell?! How old do you think I am?!" </p><p>"Fifty." Kagura states bluntly. </p><p>Gintoki makes a noise like he's choking as his jaw drops. If his hair wasn't already silver the shock running through his system would've turned it. </p><p>"Oh, Kagura-chan's just kidding Gin-san." Shinpachi grins at him reassuringly and Gintoki's never been more grateful for the kid's sweet and honest nature. "We know you're forty." He corrects, pushing his glasses up his nose. </p><p>"Fo-forty...?" Gintoki wheezes. His face is so lost, eyes wide and shifty, mouth agape, that the kids can't keep up their serious facade and collapse into giggles. "O-oi! Guys!" He grabs them each by a shoulder and asks urgently, "You were kidding, right? You know Gin-san is only thirty, right? The hair is natural!" He shakes their shoulders, trying to get their attention, but it only makes them laugh more. </p><p>"Gin-san could run circles around you younger folks!" He says desperately. </p><p>"In your wheelchair?" Kagura giggles. </p><p>"Ahhh, you little brat!" He goes to smack her head but she dodges nimbly, which makes him freak out a little because maybe he is getting old. Shinpachi joins her at the door to his room, both with broad, teasing grins on their stupidly young and cute faces. </p><p>Shit. Had he ever been that young? That fragile? That precious? Even in his dismay, the sight of those smiles light up his heart. </p><p>"We'll be back in a few hours. Remember to aim for the toilet." Shinpachi teases gently. </p><p>Gintoki huffs, shaking his head, a slight grin on his face. "Is that a piss joke or a poop joke?" He calls out to their backs as they walk out of view. </p><p>"It's another age joke!" </p><p>"Bye Gin-chan!"</p><p>Bye, he thinks fondly. </p><p>He sighs in the sudden silence of his room. Yeesh. Little brats. Gin-san's gonna have a great day! One that's perfectly fitting for a man his age! </p><p>Well. </p><p>One perfectly fitting for a man who enjoys life like he's already retired. It's not his fault he enjoys having nothing to do! He has an old soul, alright? But that's the only thing old about him! </p><p>He'll sneak breakfast from downstairs, watch some dramas, read some Jump, take some naps. Maybe later on he'll hop over to Ikumatsu's for some good, cheap ramen, and even better! If he just so happens to stroll through town and spot a certain nicotine addicted hardass, he'll get some dango, too. </p><p>Yup, yup, yup. Today's going to be a great day. He stands up from the futon, groaning at the creak in his back and his knees popping on the way up. </p><p>Looking down he sees a bulge in his pants.</p><p>See. Not that old. First things first, time for a shower. </p><p>****</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>And there it is! Sort of. Listen, I don't really know where I'm going with this anymore lmaoooooo. I know next chapter will be the second part to this and I plan on at least one more chapter to bring us back to the current timeline....but like....I am confusion. Anyways, I have a twitter now. I made it a few months ago when I thought I'd be updating this more frequently hahaha...ahaha...ha. </p><p>But if you'd like to follow me there for updates or whatever, I'm @Elioutinspace and I'm down to talk about ginhiji, okihiji, yamahiji, takahiji, listen I ship almost everyone with Toshi, even people he's never MET lmao. Although the OTP is ginhiji, of course! </p><p>Oh yeah! If any of you have read that wereXvamp smut I posted back in October, I'm writing a sequel to that and hopefully that will be out...soon. Teehee.</p><p>I do have like 7k words written for part two of this already but there's two more scenes I need to add to finish it up. So I'll see you guys in six to eight months!</p><p>Hahahaha. Just kidding!</p><p>Hopefully.</p><p>Oh, and if you liked it, let me know in the comments or twitter or through mail pigeon idk.</p>
        </blockquote><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I hope the bickering/bantering was good and hopefully in character! It's so fucking hard to write dialogue, goddamn. It's so fucking hard to write, GODDAMN. Its crazy how you can watch something and know how characters will act or react to things in your head and then you try to write it and its like....who are these people lmaoooo. Also, Jun'ai is not a real god, I totally made him up. I just google translated what pure love would be in Japanese and apparently, its Jun'ai. The more you know. Or don't. Considering its google translate, its probably wrong lol. </p><p>To the people who are constantly spitting out Ginhiji fics and art, y'all are treasures. </p><p>A couple of head cannons, cause why not! </p><p>1. Kagura's phone- its the cheapest model and only has the call or text function, and a limited amount at that. When Gintoki and Kagura are together, he'll hold onto it because she's a terror. It's only when they're separated that she'll carry it with her. </p><p>2. Toshi cannot deny the kids. He just can't, he's such a softie, he's the one that spoils them between him and Gintoki. He looks at them and just crumbles. </p><p>3. Also he's a huge animal lover, Sadaharu always gets cuddles. </p><p>4. Toshi and Kagura often team up against Gintoki and Sougo, and whenever she's fighting Sougo one on one, Toshi always roots for her which actually makes Sougo jealous haha bc 'wtf you should be rooting for me stupid Hijikata. Die.' </p><p>Anyways, I hope you enjoyed! Leave a comment or kudos if you want! :) Byyyyyyyyyye</p></blockquote></div></div>
</body>
</html>